Come On Baby Light My Fire
This series of articles is entitled “C’mon Baby Light My Fire.” That is because, in many relationships, the fire has gone out of the partnership. The couple is struggling along more out of inertia rather than any real feelings.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can recharge your relationship. Part of it is understanding sex itself and the other part is understanding the emotional underpinnings of a relationship. This report explores both aspects.
While people may talk about their deepest feelings about politics and religion freely now, any public discussion of sex remains facile. As a result, there are a lot of strange ideas about making love that are floating around out there.
We’re more educated about sex these days, and there’s no lack of sexually laden images out there. But, real information about sex and relationships is hard to find.
So, this article will start with sex myths and move on to exploring the relationship glue that is making love.
Five Sex Myths
Orgasm is the Goal
Many people believe that both partners should achieve orgasm as the end product of any sexual episode. This can only lead to frustration. There’s nothing wrong with one partner or the other not coming to climax.
Many men feel that they have been less than satisfactory bed partners if they do not bring their mate to orgasm. As a result, they try and try and she becomes increasingly frustrated. He may even begin to feel like a failure. Then, the woman tries to reassure him, eroding the trust and love in the relationship.
Sex then becomes stressful rather than a way to release stress. It becomes a chore rather than play time. The question hangs in the air every time the couple makes love: will she orgasm? As a result, the woman becomes too tense to ever orgasm. This is when sex stops being fun and starts being a quest for the “Big ‘O’ “.
The same thing can happen in reverse. If a man can’t ejaculate, a woman may feel that she’s not doing her job. If she pushes him too hard, he may even stop being able to have an erection with her.
This tension and grief is just wasted energy. Sex is giving and receiving pleasure, not a race to orgasm. You need to remember to feel during sex, not perform.
In short, relax and enjoy sex.
Experience NOT Necessary
Sex is not an area where “Practice Makes Perfect.” The truth is that if you’ve been having sex for a long time with a wide variety of partners, you may become overconfident in bed. You may not take the time to find out what this partner wants and needs.
Every new partner is a new sexual experience. Everyone is wired differently. Your new partner may find irritating or painful what your last partner found stimulating. Additionally, everyone orgasms a little bit differently – some screaming and some crying.
So, don’t treat your new partner like you did your last. Make it the first time, every time.
this series of articles will continue tomorrow.