Are You Planning to Solve Your Relationship Issues so That You Can Make Up With Your Ex Love Partner?
Are You Planning to Solve Your Relationship Issues so That You Can Make Up With Your Ex Love Partner?
Are You Planning to Solve Your Relationship Issues so That You Can Make Up With Your Ex Love Partner?
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Home Page > Relationships > Dating > Are You Planning to Solve Your Relationship Issues so That You Can Make Up With Your Ex Love Partner?
Are You Planning to Solve Your Relationship Issues so That You Can Make Up With Your Ex Love Partner?
Posted: Oct 07, 2008 |Comments: 0
| Views: 103 |
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Are you planning to solve your relationship issues so that you can make up with your Ex love partner?
I understand that you are very frustrated and eager to have your ex love partner with your side as much as possible. You have to remember that once you have started showing any sign of desperation and desire for your wants, you will never ever achieve what you want. This same goes to any other stuff, personal, work, studies, result, etc. I appreciate that you can follow my advice very thoroughly and carefully. This is because if you follow reading through the piece of article, I can guarantee that you will able to solve your relationship issues with a spark of excellence. Anyway, it is up to you whether you like to use my methods, but you can always use them as part of your references.
If you have accidentally forgotten some main key points after glancing through this piece of article, do feel free to visit it again. It can help to refresh your memory and light up your imagination and continue pursue your dreams to get your ex love partner back in your relationship. Whatever relationship issues you are struggling with, there is a way to resolve them. You just need to work out what the best type of help for you is and go get it. Well, here are your main options … I will explain all the six categories in short forms. They are mainly to solve it yourself, Get help from friends, family and forums (FFF’s), Get professional help, but which is most appropriate for you? Well, the type of relationship issues you are facing will determine what help is most suitable for you. Let’s look at each of your options in turn.
Solve your relationship issues yourself. Sometimes it’s just a case of getting the right bit of self help advice and applying it to recover a relationship. You can find a whole host of common answers to relationship issues on this site that may help you tackle the problems you’re facing. I’ll give you direct advice, recommend books, quiz you and tell you the truth. However, you may realise that the issues you’re facing aren’t going to be solved by self help. This is often the case if you’ve attempted it before and failed, if you feel like you’re running out of ways to deal with the issue or if you suspect the reasons for the issue may well run a lot deeper than they first appeared, either on your side or on your partner’s side.
So what then? Get help from friends, family and forums? (FFF’s)
You know what? No – is the answer! (I’ve nothing personal against your FFF’s by the way 
It may seem harsh or biased to rule it out straight away, but there are a number of reasons for doing this. I won’t go into them in too much depth, but here are a few… Each of your friends will have their own different point of view – how will you know who’s right? It’s very difficult for them to be impartial – because they’re so close to you they’re much less likely to investigate ‘the other side’ of the relationship. If they reinforce your point of view and if you’re wrong it’s only going to damage your relationship further.
The number of points of view you’ll get can leave you even more confused – if you get 3, 4 or more conflicting views, which do you, believe?
The truth is very difficult to tell you. Your friends are more likely to avoid telling you the truth than hurt you and potentially jeopardise your relationship.
I could go on – but I think you get the picture. If you’re thinking, “Well, he’s a professional relationship counsellor. He would say that, wouldn’t he?” The answer is, no.
If it really was a beneficial way of solving relationship issues, I would tell you. After all, I believe self help is valuable up to a point. And there are always more people in a month looking for my professional advice than I can deal with, so I have nothing to gain by trying to persuade you that professional help is the best way forward.
If you’re looking for comfort, empathy and reassurance friends, family and even forums can provide that for you. If you want all of those things and the truth, clarity and your relationship issues resolved, then consider the option of professional relationship advice instead. If you know for sure you can’t afford professional relationship help, and then go back to option 1 to find the answers and use your friends and family to comfort you in the hard times.
But whatever you do, if you do seek their advice or they provide it, take it with a pinch of salt. It’s very difficult for them to be objective, to be an expert and to tell you the truth, so don’t expect all they say to be good advice just because they’re your friends. Sometimes it’s genuinely very difficult to separate the two (good advice and good friends) in your head. Professional relationship advice -
If you are beating yourself about the head trying to resolve your relationship issues and the self help and the FFF’s aren’t helping, then start looking into relationship coaching. You can book a free consultation, a 1-off coaching session or start coaching weekly with one of our relationship coaches.
Obviously you can seek help from any professional. However, here I am biased! I recommend myself
But obviously, you need to make up your own mind about who is the most suitable relationship coach for you. Whatever your relationship issues, there is a way to deal with them. Just make sure you choose the right way for you. Is it Couple in Crisis? – Save your relationship! If you’re looking for relationship help that will actually help save your relationship, then you’re in the right place.
With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared if you have faced any problems with your loved one. I have a strong belief that if you understand what I have explained and shared in this piece of article, then the problems could be minimised and your relationship could become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best in your relationship with your partner. Do not forget to support the decision of having making up than breaking up. Your happiness always lies in your hands for the relationship. Once again, I wish all the best and Good Luck to all the couples.
Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Looking for <a rel=”nofollow” onclick=”javascript:_gaq.push(['_trackPageview', '/outgoing/article_exit_link']);” href=” http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback” target=”_blank”>the magic of making up</a>? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?
Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://www.squidoo.com/how_can_i_retrieve_my_ex_lover_back
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.
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About the Author:
Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com, Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate
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Categories: Relationships Tags: Issues, Love, Partner, Planning, Relationship, Solve
Cheating In Relationships: An Honest Response
Cheating In Relationships: An Honest Response
Cheating In Relationships: An Honest Response
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Home Page > Relationships > Cheating In Relationships: An Honest Response
Cheating In Relationships: An Honest Response
Posted: Sep 09, 2009 |Comments: 0
| Views: 455 |
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Cheating in relationships rears its hurtful head everywhere, and I don’t have to tell you it’s a devastating killer. What if there were an option to cheating in relationships that didn’t have to involve fiery break-ups and divorce lawyers; that didn’t have to spell betrayal and dishonesty; and that didn’t have to make enemies of allies? And what if this option challenged how we define the gold standard of relationships: monogamy?
Although love, intimacy, sex and relationship are often the most important areas in our lives, they are also where we experience the most confusion and suffering. Cheating in relationships is one at the top of the pile of confusion and suffering. Additionally, the relationship models we have inherited don’t fit us so well. We have few tools or skills with which to navigate relationships we are in. Or we can’t seem to find one at all.
Cheating in relationships is one of the most painful ways we “break the rules.” However, cheating actually has more to do with the rules (spoken and unspoken) that are broken with the act of cheating, than the act itself. It is therefore essential to fully define, and even re-define, the rules by which we live out our relationships. In the section, Why Re-Define?, on my website, I speak more about the vital nature of the re-defining process in honest, integrous, intimate love relationships.
Cheating in relationships: is there an honest response to this dishonest act? I want you to hear more, inspired by the timely question of a reader and client below.
”Does Monogamy need to be re-defined for today’s couples to have any chance at longevity?”
Well, as far as the dictionary is concerned, monogamy already has a definition.: “Monogamy: The practice or state of being married to one person at a time; the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner.” I bring up the dictionary’s denotation of monogamy so that I can to reach beyond it to monogamy’s connotation: monogamy as a relationship lifestyle and outlook on love, sex and partnered life; monogamy as sexual exclusivity; monogamy as marriage. And this monogamy, I would say, is in grand need of re-definition.
Another way to phrase your question might be, do we need sexual monogamy and marriage to stay together for the long haul? By examining the relevancy of marriage and sexual monogamy, longevity also gets thrown under scrutiny as well.
Life is changing, and fast. For many of us, culture has flung its doors wide open and said, “You choose!” We live in an era exploding with choice – where to live, how to live, with whom and for how long. Never before has the cultural conversation leaned so far in the direction of personal choice. Never before have we been as encouraged as now to consider that following our personal bliss is the ultimate directive to inform one’s life path. At the same time, we still live in a culture that holds the relationship gold standard to be: find-a-soul-mate-or-at-least-someone-you-can-stand-get-a-ring-get-married-have-a-kid-or-2.3-and-live-happily-ever-after. There is tremendous pressure to be everything to one another, to get all your needs met by one person. And of course, in the middle of those cultural pushes and pulls, the models of relationship passed down from just the previous generation are less relevant to the our day to day lives. I’m sure you know a relationship or two that have longevity going for them, but nothing else.
Healthy, functional longevity assumes that your two lives go in relatively the same direction for a period of time. I have heard it said that marriages “worked” when the life expectancy for the average human being was 30-40 years. We’re up to something like 65-75 years now, living more than twice as long as when marriage “worked.” To have a life-time’s worth of longevity in your relationship you need to be relatively well-matched in most areas, including career direction, managing money, family and social circles, having children, rearing children as well as preference of sexuality and geographic location. It is a tall order to expect that two individuals will want the same things throughout a partnership of possibly a lifetime’s length, pragmatically speaking. Especially when there is cultural encouragement to live life based on your personal directive.
Please don’t misunderstand: I am in no way saying there is anything wrong with a lifetime partnership of monogamy. It can be infinitely more simple and satisfying than some other relationship concoction, to be sure! However, we have been taught that we should just find love, and somehow it will all fall into place. But love is not enough for a successful and sustainable relationship. Nor is it enough anymore to fit one’s self into the standard cultural model of monogamy. A relationship that is lasting and sustainable, in which the individuals are happy fulfilled and challenged for a long as the relationship lasts; that in and of itself is a powerful re-definition of the monogamy we know and have inherited. And this kind of monogamy requires looking under the hood of the relationship vehicle, not just climbing in and hoping for the best. It requires a bit of a radical overhaul and a set of skills not provided in movies, school curriculum or most family dinner conversations; skills for communication, adaptation, and navigating the large questions of life and partnership.
I look at the process of re-defining like taking the lid off of what you are SUPPOSED to do, examining it, keeping the bits that work for you, leaving the rest. For most of us, this is a new and confronting task. Peeking under the lid will bring up all kinds of interesting things, including how long you want the relationship to last. Maybe you don’t want till death do you part. Maybe there is a natural life and death of a relationship, and if it ends before life does, it is not a failure. The father of a dear friend of mine has had a series of 10-year relationships over the course of his life. He’s on his 3rd rich and wonderful one, and certainly doesn’t consider himself a failure at relationship or marriage. Maybe you don’t want just one sexual partner. Ours is a generation groomed on sexual choice, pre-sold on sex. It is just as natural for people to want to pair up for life as it is to be gregarious, flirtatious, and sexually experimentative. Humans are complex beings, with sexual and sensual curiosities abounding. But sexuality aside, it is preposterous to expect you can get all of your needs met by one person. Re-defining monogamy must include, then, a look at what it is possible to get from your partner, and what is best gotten outside the relationship, to ease the pressure on the partnership and feed the complex beings within the partnership.
Consulting your own heart at least as much as our cultural norms is not just a novel nicety afforded by modern life, it is also a necessity. Depression, suicidal tendencies, schizophrenia, and general numbness can be caused by all kinds of reasons, including genetics, history, family, diet, environment, astrology, karma, gender, pre-destiny, seasons or hormones. More importantly, it can also be caused by being un-aligned with your personal truth and not living according to what you hold most sacred, inspiring and exciting.
But does following your personal bliss inevitably lead you away from monogamy? Does it lead you to want more than one sexual partner, or reconsider marriage as the ideal container for relationship? Does it encourage irresponsibility? Maybe. But, of course not necessarily.
To re-define monogamy is to invoke adaptability and responsibility – the ABILITY to ADAPT and RESPOND; it is to become a relationship entrepreneur. What are most needed are the necessary skills to navigate ANY relationship, to have it last as long you desire, monogamous or not. To re-define monogamy is to go beyond the definition in the dictionary, or the model that was handed down to you like too-tight tennis shoes, and create a model that is relevant to you and your life, that you love.
”Is the desire for monogamy a concept that is culturally inbred and encouraged, or it truly a primal urge innate in most of us?”
I certainly can’t speak for “most of us” but YES, monogamy is certainly an urge innate in many of us. We, the human species, tend to use the lenses of cultural trends, science, anthropology or sociology to attempt to make sense of our humanity – caught as we are somewhere twixt our animal instincts and our abilities to be rational, self-conscious and contemplative of the divine. These lenses attempt to define what is natural, and hence, what is unnatural. We look for common threads and search for proof as an attempt to determine a direction to point ourselves in for our best life. But among humans, there’s no control group. What the herd is currently doing, what the herd did historically or what it means to go against the herd is just one metric to judge a life by; it is just one system or standard to use to direct your life.
We are always looking for THE answer, but it is also useful to spend at least as much time looking for YOUR answer. Are you a person for whom monogamy is an intrinsic urge, a means to be most fulfilled and connected this lifetime? Or are you a person who is happy to lift the constraints of monogamy so as to create the relationship most suited to your expression and satisfaction? Are you listening close enough to see when that might change for you, and do you have the skills to adapt as your needs change?
It is difficult to look toward culture for any kind of standard, since no culture is completely homogeneous. Within any culture there are sub-cultures – a constant, dynamic morphing as the culture converses with life. As culture changes, its desire for monogamy can also change.
It is also difficult to look solely toward science. Often science looks to the animal world to give us strange human creatures some guidance in what is “natural.” Some animal species mate for life and are poster children for loyalty and fidelity. Some use sexual intercourse with multiple and copious numbers of partners as a means for creating and maintaining social harmony.
It is equally difficult to look toward anthropology. There are theories that support pair bonding as the healthiest and best means of survival, and there are theories that extol the virtues of an entire village raising a child.
And of course, it is just as difficult to look toward your own instincts or desires. There can be an assumption that if you remove the SHOULDs imposed by culture, your desires will rise to the top like cream. Making your way through cultural influences toward your own innate desires requires self-awareness, the ability to go where no man or woman has gone before, and the willingness to be inner-directed, rather than governed by custom. I believe what is “natural” are those desires that bring you the most joy, fulfillment and sense of contribution. But that is my personal definition, created by a mind encouraged to think freely, within a greatly privileged culture that hasn’t ostracized me for plodding upstream against the current of convention.
I say look to – and then beyond – both nature and nurture in order to create a life and a love that is born of you and resembles you thoroughly. I assert it is better to have a relationship that is imperfect but based on your own deliberate choices than to have one that is retro-fitted to someone else’s version of perfection. At the end of the day, I say marry yourself to your own oxymoronic nature. Take what deeply resonates with you and leave the rest.
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LiYana Silver, creatrix of http://www.ReDefiningMonogamy.com, works with couples and women to step out of painful relationship ruts into extraordinary, satisfying co-created partnerships – coloring both in and outside the lines of traditional monogamy. LiYana is a teacher, counselor, speaker and writer.
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I had a good relationship until my boyfriend starting doing drugs then thats when the cheating and abuse started now he’s been clean for almost a year. will he still cheat and abuse me?
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How to recognise when a relationship is ending and successfully navigate through it
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Home Page > Relationships > Breakup > How to recognise when a relationship is ending and successfully navigate through it
How to recognise when a relationship is ending and successfully navigate through it
Posted: Sep 21, 2009 |Comments: 0
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I thought it may be a good idea to talk about relationships between people. Now I’m not just talking about romantic relationships, but all kinds. The dictionary describes a relationship as the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
I believe a relationship can be as simple as striking up a conversation with someone in an elevator to pass the minute or two before the doors open, or as complex as a forty year long marriage. Of course not all relationships are meant to be long lasting, and that’s when they break down.
Each and every connection between people serves a purpose to both parties. No one hangs out with someone just because. When there is no longer a reason to stay connected, each person continues on their own way and the relationship is over. It’s easy to understand and accept this with a short term relationship such as the elevator scenario but what about a longer lasting relationship such as a friendship.
Well it’s just as simple really. If you and your best friend, for example, are both getting something from the relationship, weather it be someone to confide in, or someone to go out and have fun with, or whatever the reason is that you are friends, then the relationship will last and thrive. But what if life takes you down one path and your friend down another? As you both have different experiences and learn and grow, you may find that you are becoming different people (of course you’ll probably think that it’s your friend who has changed and not you…) This is what is called growing apart and it can happen with any relationship, long or short.
I think a great many people feel that to grow apart is a bad thing, when actually it’s just a natural part of life. It really is almost impossibly difficult for two people to grow as human beings at the same rate and in the same way. If, for instance, you have a lot of life experiences, yet your friend rarely does anything new or different, you may find yourself feeling that you have outgrown him or her or vise-versa. Al of this is a natural part of having relationships.
The problems begin when you go against the natural way of things and try to force a relationship when it has actually reached it’s conclusion. For some reason people feel the need to hang on to things. Maybe it’s out of a fear of change or some other deep psychological reason. Married people, for instance, quite often try and force the relationship to stay together because of a sense of commitment. Let’s face it, they promised they would stay together when they got married.
Trying to force a relationship, when it’s not meant to be, can put an enormous strain on all involved. Things will start off small, maybe you start finding something that your friend does irritating, or you realise that there’s something you never really liked about your partner. Things can only escalate from there and it wont be long before everything about them starts to annoy you. Once this happen the relationship is in a very dangerous place. It can become volatile and explode at any minute. If this happens it usually irreparable.
And yet some people still try to force it to work. No amount of will power can make a relationship work once the reason for the relationship no longer exists. The relationship is over. If you still try and persist, the universe will eventually kick in to gear and throw something at you to guarantee separation. This is never usually a good thing and can come in many forms. Health issues, accidents, or any number of other so called random acts.
The key to having good relationships is to be able to recognise early on, the reason for the relationship. Why are you friends? Why are you lovers? What draws you to that person? Why are you connected? Answer this basic question and you can recognise when the relationship is coming to an end. Of course a relationship can grow and evolve too. When one reason for having a relationship is coming to an end, you may find another reason or you may be so connected that you have a number of reasons all at once. If two people can grow together and maintain a healthy relationship, it can be a wonderful thing.
I know with my relationships, I can usually recognise when they are coming to an end. When this happens I’ll begin to pull away from the other person. I’ve found this to be the least destructive way of ending a relationship. Basically just drifting apart and never trying to force it. A number of people and friends I have done this with, have actually returned to my life at a later date and a new relationship is developed, with a new reason for being. Of course this probably isn’t going to happen if you end the relationship on bad terms. If that’s the case, there’s a good chance you’ll end up hating each other and never reconcile.
In fact some of my closest friends today are friends I allowed to drift away in the past, now that we have reconnected, our relationships are deeper and stronger than ever. It’s amazing how ending a relationship on good terms can come back to reward you in the future.
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James Cole is a filmmaker, photographer, artist and philosopher. He has spent his whole life observing, analysing and learning from the world around him and the people that populate it. The understanding he has achieved of ‘how things work’ has made him a great problem solver in life. He now shares his knowledge and wisdom on his blog Planet Hysteria.
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Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective ? Part 4
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective ? Part 4
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective – Part 4
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Home Page > Spirituality > Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective – Part 4
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective – Part 4
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 |Comments: 0
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(Excerpted from “Invisible Blueprints”)
“Love alone
can unite living beings
so as to complete and fulfill them,
for it alone joins them by what is deepest in themselves.”
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Of all the themes of literature written over the ages, love has probably served as the perennially dominant theme. When many of us contemplate that blissful condition of romantic love, our minds turn to the prospect of a soul mate, that perfect partner who mirrors or complements us perfectly?and we aspire to be in a soul-mated relationship. What is the “soul mate” connection? How do we find our soul mate?
First of all, I’m not sure that there is only one answer to either question. As I have looked at soul mate relationships, I have gotten widely divergent information as to the feel of the relationship. One consistent characteristic I have gotten with many soul mate relationships is a strong sense of partnering, whether in the work they were doing together or in a general sense of their being partners in life. Another quality I have gotten is comfortableness, two people feeling very at ease with each other.
Often I get that the relationship itself is easy—that it doesn’t have to be continually worked at. I have also seen soul mate relationships in which the partners feel completely understood by each other. Some soul mates really spark and stimulate each other’s energy, so that they both feel “charged up” and activated. I’ve also gotten with some soul mates that they “have danced together before.” The phrase “dancing together” appears to be a metaphor for how their souls interact, as there’s always the sense of a higher and quite beautiful connection.
Another phrase I’ve gotten is “children in the garden.” This phrase always conveys a beautiful quality to the connection, as if it was the innocence deep within them that resonated, so that there was a very pure quality to their connection. Hence, two “children in the garden” in a very pure and innocent state of relating to each other, protected by their innocence and unsullied prior to any “fall”? often creating their own lovely, untarnished world together.
In still others, there’s a sense of feeling more complete when together, as if their energies had something similar with which to resonate or the deepest parts of their essences could now be expressed, understood, and welcomed by the other. I have also seen an equality of energies in many soul mate connections.
In many relationships there is a hierarchy, whether expressed through power in the dynamics of the relationship or whether denoting a higher level of personal development. In many soul mate relationships, however, there is equality both in interaction and in personal development, with no question of one person wielding more power over the other. And, as mentioned above, the two partners may be stimulating each other’s growth, but the sense of partnering outweighs and transcends any difficulty stemming from a learning aspect.
On a soul level, I have gotten various expressions of connectedness ?from soul mates who felt like twins, to two halves of the same whole. I’ve seen others who complement each other’s energies completely. I’ve seen still others whose connection feels vertical and high, as if they fit together completely on several levels. In some, there is a feeling of huge energy together and in others, a complete fit.
One consistent theme is that of complete resonance, but not a resonance of the inauthentic stuff. Instead, it is a resonance of each one’s essence, the true selves resonating harmoniously and completely. This attribute has implications for how we find our soul mate.
I have seen some consistent things with regard to finding one’s partner. The first has to do with lessons learned through learning relationships. You’ll recall that learning relationships are those that teach us lessons in growth. One lesson from learning relationships I’ve seen consistently has to do with discernment ? in knowing what we want in a relationship and in our partner (separate from any superficial considerations of appearance, income, etc.) — e.g., how we want to feel in a relationship and what internal qualities we want the other person to have. Conversely, this discernment also allows us to know what we don’t want, whether external habits (substance abuse or inconsideration, for example) or internal attributes (e.g., emotionally closed off or self-absorbed). Difficult learning relationships can often — and sometimes rather emphatically — teach us what we don’t want in a partner.
So discernment can be an important factor in finding a soul mate; until we are clear about what we want and do not want, we will usually settle for what presents itself.
I have seen instances of people wanting to be in a relationship so badly that when they met someone they were attracted to, they disregarded the problematic qualities of the person or the problem areas of the relationship. Wanting badly to be in a relationship can lead us to be in a state of denial about any red flags we see – those undesirable or inappropriate qualities of the object of our affections. As a result, the relationship will often not be terribly pleasant. However, it may simply be a necessary learning relationship, to teach us about discernment or finding peace and fulfillment in being alone.
The advantage of going through a series of such learning relationships is that we’ll often get to the point where we’re so burned out from the relationship problems that we’ll resolve not to get into another one unless it feels totally right. This enables us to move past our “relationship at any cost” stance to the more desirable position of knowing what we want — and what we don’t want. Thus, these lessons in discernment move us closer to being ready to connect with our true partner with whom we can truly and purely resonate, while we also strengthen enough in ourselves to find the peace and ease in being alone when need be.
I have gotten the information consistently that some clients will be ready for their true partner only after they have recognized, claimed, and embraced their true selves. We’ve all heard the maxim that “you can’t really love someone else until you learn to love yourself.” Put another way, we can’t be truly open to someone else until we’re completely open to ourselves. And this is often a prerequisite to being able to belong with our soul mate. Our soul mate often appears for some of us only after we have cleared some of our stuff and are more in touch with what our true essence is.
For others, the prerequisite to finding their soul mate may lie in external, rather than internal, change, in that their true partner may appear when they cease trying to do what others expect of them and start living their lives in a way that reflects who they really are and what they really want. I will often see this latter aspect expressed in the area of work or career. For these people it is frequently only after they have allowed themselves to do work that expresses both who they are and what their interests are that their soul mate appears. One of the reasons this is so is that even if they know who they truly are but are doing work that doesn’t express their true self, they are still living somewhat inauthentically. The soul mate often appears when their lives are more authentic and reflective of true self. In addition, expressing who we are through our activities can have the effect of strengthening us even further in who we innately are. This said, however, it is not always true that we must find a career completely resonant with our essence in order to find our soul mate.
I’ve seen cases in which the true soul mate appears before some of the primary inauthentic stuff is cleared — and I’ve seen two ways in which the client and relationship are affected as a result. I’ve seen some lovely situations in which the soul mate relationship was so positive, supportive, and healing that it actually served to stimulate the healing of one person’s emotional stuff (e.g., low self-esteem). In these instances, clearing the inauthentic stuff was not a prerequisite for finding the soul mate.
I’ve also seen clients who had found their partners, but the relationships were not going well or there were blocks to their being together, because one or both people had stuff to work through before the relationship could succeed, or even before they could be together. If there is a large amount of inauthentic “stuff” on the part of one of the partners that hasn’t yet been cleared, it may serve as an impediment to the relationship moving forward — even if the two are soul mates — and/or there may be problems in the relationship.
I’ve seen several cases of soul mates who were not yet together because one or both had personal issues to work on, and, interestingly, it is frequently the man who had issues to clear. This is perhaps so because of the general disparity between where men and women are in their lives and in clearing their inauthentic stuff. Because of the women’s movement, women have, generally speaking, worked on some of their stuff in the past twenty to thirty years — empowering themselves, becoming aware of and clearing their stuff, and becoming overall clearer in their vision. Men, in contrast, have largely not done as much personal work on themselves. This has created a real disparity between where men and women are on their respective paths. This disparity in growth has bled through to the area of romantic relationships. Fortunately, the fairly recent phenomenon of the men’s movement has started the process for men to begin to catch up.
Interestingly, I’ve also learned that we may often have an energetic rapprochement on some level before someone very significant comes into our lives. Not infrequently before two partners meet, they may communicate with each other on some level, whether consciously or unconsciously. I’ve known clients who started dreaming of their partners prior to their actually meeting physically. And I’ve known other clients who didn’t just dream of their partner, but were communicating with their partner in the dream state prior to meeting.
Two people who are strongly and closely connected, especially soul mates, will often start to move into each other’s energy fields before physically meeting. This will often happen shortly before they. Intuitives who can see or sense the aura or energy field will often pick up on this and see or sense the other person’s presence there.
A very little-known manifestation of this will be communication on the sexual level prior to two soul mates physically meeting. This can be experienced as strong and rather intense sexual feelings, coming seemingly out of the blue with either a sense of urgency or a sense that they’re coming from someone else “out there.” Time and distance are no impediments to this happening and the two soul mates could be states or continents apart. This sexual communication will often be experienced as a precursor to the people directly communicating or even knowing that the other person actually exists. This is a very real phenomenon — and often perplexing to experience if you haven’t already heard about the possibility of such things occurring.
This preknowledge of the soul mate or significant partner coming in, whether in dreams, telepathy, or sexual communication, would appear to happen outside of our conscious volition. It may be initiated on other levels of our consciousness or may be the universe trying awaken us to the possibility, perhaps as preparation for actually meeting and interacting with our soul mate. I sometimes smile and consider “Cupid’s arrow” as causing the sexual communication, as it happens without either person trying to initiate it and would appear to be initiated by an outside agent. On the other hand, interestingly enough, this sexual phenomenon does not necessarily imply that the two people are indeed soul mates or are meant to be together either in person or throughout their lives. These phenomena may be heralding the arrival in our lives of someone who will simply affect us deeply for our own unfolding process.
There are other ways in which we may have knowledge aforehand, frequently quite unconsciously, of our soul mate, often expressed as foreknowledge of the attributes our soul mate will have, of the situation we’ll encounter with him/her, etc. We may find ourselves consistently drawn to various people who may all have one particular attribute in common; for instance, we may find ourselves in a pattern of being drawn to writers over and over again. Whereas patterns in our relationships may often signal an unhealthy pattern, herald issues we need to work on in ourselves, or simply represent a familiar pattern from childhood, this is not always the case. We may be continually attracted to writers, for example, because we’ve always had an unconscious intuitive awareness that our soul mate would be a writer.
Some people have an unconscious awareness of what their soul mate will be like or what situation may surround their relationship. This unconscious awareness can exist, I feel, because we choose our lives before we come into them. Although we tend to have a general amnesia about what we are to encounter and experience (so that we may indeed go through learning and growing experiences freshly), some people will retain some artifacts of awareness, on the unconscious level, of what the script for their lives will be — a scene, for example, or a face, a characteristic, or a career that will be connected to their soul mate.
We may feel that a soul mate relationship must feel a certain way. Interestingly, however, people who find their soul mates will often have varying subjective experiences of what the connection feels like. In some relationships people may feel more whole, engaged, or truly alive.
I have also gotten information about soul mate connections counter to what I had previously thought was true. I used to feel that we have only one soul mate and that this was the person we have been with from one lifetime to the next as our soul mate. What I have seen instead is that there are often several possible soul mates in existence and that we may be with one in some lifetimes and with others in other lifetimes.
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Diane Brandon is an Integrative Intuitive Counselor, Intuition Expert & Teacher, Speaker, Radio Host, & Author. This article is excerpted from her book, “Invisible Blueprints” (order at www.dianebrandon.net/products.asp). More information on her work may be found on her sites, www.dianebrandon.com and www.dianebrandon.net. She’s the host of “Living Your Power” on the Health & Wellness Channel of VoiceAmerica.com and may be contacted at diane@dianebrandon.com.
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It is Advisable to Learn to Love the One You are With for Your Making Up Relationship
It is Advisable to Learn to Love the One You are With for Your Making Up Relationship
It is Advisable to Learn to Love the One You are With for Your Making Up Relationship
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Home Page > Relationships > Dating > It is Advisable to Learn to Love the One You are With for Your Making Up Relationship
It is Advisable to Learn to Love the One You are With for Your Making Up Relationship
Posted: Oct 03, 2008 |Comments: 0
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It is advisable to learn to Love the One you are with for your making up relationship
If you have recently come out of a relationship, heed this word of caution. It may be wise to distance yourself from relationships for a while. Take a breather. The tendency of new singles often is quickly to find someone else to be with. Most ministers and mental health professionals agree that that is not a good idea. It is a colossal mistake!
For some people being in a relationship becomes their “drug of choice.” They skip around from relationship to relationship. Some get stuck. They feel as though they always have to be in a relationship. They develop the dependency of “needing” a relationship. That is not healthy. Some people allow their feelings of insecurity about being alone to keep them stuck, often in an unhealthy relationship.
Our former relationships never cease to provide us with new and exciting questions, the answers to which can lead to the breakthrough necessary for a healthy love relationship in the future. The rewards of personal inquiry are invaluable and can assist us greatly in being ready for another relationship when the time is right.
I believe that every relationship we are in serves a definite purpose. It fulfils a need for us as we fulfil needs for someone else. Remember, we should only look back to see how far we’ve come or to see how much we’ve learned. We can look at our past love relationships and focus on the good we learned from them. I must admit that at times this may be difficult.
Spend time working on you. Work on developing your own self as an individual. The one you are with is you! Reinvent a relationship with yourself. Make it a new and exciting relationship; one you can be proud to carry over into your next relationship with someone else. Nobody wants damaged goods.
Allow time for the healing that is necessary for you to feel comfortable with being alone. That is the only way you can learn how to really be with someone else in the future. After coming out of a love relationship, it is normal to feel rather insecure for a while. It takes a while to adjust to your new beginning. The delayed gratification is worth it. One of the rewards is discovering that the more time you take for yourself, the more love you will have to give to your future love partner.
Choose to be alone for awhile. Being independent enough to be alone is a virtue. Cultivate it. When you can learn to be comfortable with being with yourself, then you may be getting closer to being ready for a healthy love relationship with someone else. During this time of aloneness you will discover a clear distinction between being lonely and being alone.
Being alone can help you in getting comfortable about being with yourself. When you are comfortable about being with yourself, your feelings of loneliness will gradually disappear. Spend some time learning to be good company with you. Avoid the self-created fear of being alone. Accept that we do this to ourselves. It can bring no good into our lives. We allow fear to cause us to withhold ourselves from others. Fear breeds insecurities.
It could be said, for example purposes, that even Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle, was insecure. He would swing from vine to vine, not letting go until the next vine was safely in hand. Does this sound familiar? This may make sense when you are in the jungle. When you are swinging high above the ground, your life depends on it. Your life does not depend, however, on always being in a relationship. The need to be always swinging from one love partner to another is not in your best interest. If you are coming from a love relationship, the last thing you need is another one . . . right away, that is. In this scenario, there is no safety in numbers.
We are so afraid of finding ourselves hanging in midair; we latch onto the first available vine that happens along. Not a good idea! Leap into your greatest fear . . . be by yourself for a while. Take a good look at what “hanging in midair” feels like. You may be surprised! You will be okay. It won’t be the end of the world. Although it may feel like it, that feeling won’t last forever.
It is wise to practice intimacy with “self” during your abstinence from relationships. Pray to know God better. Thank him for the courage to get serious about the relationship you have with you. Get to know God. Get to know you. Give yourself the gift of solitude. When you are alone . . . journal. Get in touch with your true feelings. Work on falling in love with yourself for a change and see how great that feels! Be your own significant other. Practice the art of loving you. Take the precious time out that is necessary to rediscover who you are without a love partner.
You must first learn to be alone and happy before you can be together and happy. Learn that it is possible for you to live alone and not be lonely. Discover how to be self-sufficient. Don’t be dependent on others for your own existence.
Know that when you eventually do connect with someone you can love; your happiness will be enhanced by just knowing that being in the relationship is your choice and not something you need or must have to survive. To have found someone you can share your life with is one of love’s ultimate adventures.
Not having a relationship doesn’t keep you all warm and cuddly at night; however, getting yourself ready for a really great love relationship must be your highest priority. Be true to yourself first, it is well worth the wait. Being alone may call up all the feelings you were afraid you would have if you were ever alone . . . and some you could have never imagined. The pain seems to go on and on, though only if you allow it. Healing takes time. Stay with solitude. Don’t be tempted.
At the end of your tunnel are love-of-self and the healing love that only God can provide. You must attain this awareness before you can be in a healthy love relationship with someone else. In times like these, when you are alone with your feelings, life can feel empty.
You can gain much insight into the power of your attitudes in the stillness of looking inward. Your body believes every word you say. Your words and thoughts govern how you feel today and how you will feel tomorrow. A quiet and peaceful mind takes form as a quiet and peaceful body. Peace, be still.
See what it feels like to walk hand in hand with you. Give yourself permission to do what may feel risky. Discover new ways of thinking and being. To allow intimacy to be present in a relationship with another, you must first seek intimacy with yourself. Some of our clearest thinking about relationships can occur when we are not in a relationship. Our mind is often sharper when informed by our own feelings. We are more humble and acutely more in touch with the hurts of the past. We are far more open to new ideas.
Take advantage of this opportunity to learn all you can about yourself and what makes a healthy love relationship. It is in the search for what it takes to have a healthy love relationship that we become more receptive to listening for new ways to make our relationships work better in the future. The very process of searching opens up many new options. Make having a relationship with yourself your number one priority. Then, and only then, can you move on to what’s next!
Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Is getting my ex back possible?
Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at Getting My Ex Back Video
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.
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My engagement was broken 4 month ago I had many problems with my exfiance he was an independent personality and his mother was tough, I feel afraid about making new relationships what shall I do?
I want to make my girl friend go mad because of love , but we have not see each other since we have a relationship. cos we always talk on phone , please help
What makes you continue to have an intimate relationship with an ex-boyfriend even though you’re sure it is keeping you from moving on, and you’re sure they have? Even though they still love…
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Home Page > Relationships > Five Tips to Make Your Relationship Work
Five Tips to Make Your Relationship Work
Posted: Jan 06, 2010 |Comments: 0
| Views: 185 |
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Relationships are very much insecure nowadays because of the busy lifestyle schedule we live. Everyone wants their relationship to work, but due to the insufficient time and daily lifestyle tensions we fail to be attentive in the relationships. This ultimately leads to the relationship problems. To maintain the relationship everyone has to put some efforts, which are lacking today and thus the relationship that were strong previously are breaking due to the silly reasons. The increase in the number of divorce is observed due to the problems in the relationship. So, here I am mentioning ten tips to make your relationship work—
1. Spend quality time
Time is necessary for any relationship to flourish. Relationship requires a lot of time to grow and strengthen So, be with your partner whenever you have free time. Time has got a great power and once you spend quality time with the closer ones. They will always be with you for the whole life. Take your family for the lunch get together or special vacations, this will help you to spend quality time with your loved ones and enhance your relationship.
2. Have a positive approach
“Be positive” is what you need to be for the relationship to work. Avoid catching the mistakes and wrongs in other persons, this makes them think of you as a negative character. Relationship comes in trouble because of on going quarrels. So, try to avoid this. Be thankful and grateful for what you have rather than cursing the negativities. Focus on the good qualities and try to avoid negative qualities of your partner. Always remember that “nobody is perfect.”
3. Have friendly approach in relationships
Friendship is a very important part in any relationship. If you are friendly with your loved ones then there are double chances that you develop a strong relationship with them. Avoid dominance because it may cause you the lot of problems in relationship. Remember to be friendly, but avoid being over friendly by giving your opinions in the unnecessary situations. Also, stay away from the possessiveness otherwise no relationship will last longer. Friendship is the ship on which every relationship sails. So, try to retain your relationship in friendly manner.
4. Learn to forgive, forget, and move on
To build the long lasting relationship it is necessary for everyone to learn to forgive, forget, and move on with the things. Don’t keep the things in the mind and always argue on them or scold your partner on them. This will not solve the problem, whereas make them more critical. I am not saying that you should always give away with the things but try to avoid unnecessary things. Learn to disagree and still live in peace with your partner. The main thing is forgive your partner when he does a mistake, don’t just annoy him/her for the mistake, instead make the efforts so that another time the same mistake is not repeated. This will help to make your relationship work.
5. Reignite the romantic passion
This tip is particularly for all my married friends who are facing the problems in the relationship. The best solution to all problems in the married life is to reignite the romantic passion in the relationship. Romance is the best ailment for all relationship problems in the married couples. Bring back the love in your relationship and see it strengthening once again. In fact you can even indulge in some sex routine to get back the passion in relationship. Your relationship will flourish, once you start getting involved in each other romantically again.
So, follow these five tips to make your relationship works and overcome the relationship problems.
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Hi I am Calvin.I am committed to provide visitors with complete information on men’s health, sexual health, issues related to sexuaility, I will also give you information about various generic drugs like Edegra,Kamagra, Kamagra Oral Jelly, Penegra, Edegra etc.
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200 Characters left
Can a relationship work if your husband isn’t intimate and doesn’t feel any lust or infatuation for his wife?
My engagement was broken 4 month ago I had many problems with my exfiance he was an independent personality and his mother was tough, I feel afraid about making new relationships what shall I do?
Do relationships work the second time around ?
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10 Reasons Relationships Fail and How to Succeed
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Home Page > Relationships > 10 Reasons Relationships Fail and How to Succeed
10 Reasons Relationships Fail and How to Succeed
Posted: Jun 13, 2010 |Comments: 0
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The most common reasons given for the failure of relationships are sex, money and time issues. It usually is a combination of these and other factors that result in divorce or calling it quits. Although the divorce rate has decreased slightly over the last few years, this can largely be attributed to more people choosing to live together rather than getting married. And of those who live together there is a higher “turnover rate” than that of married couples. So if you are looking for a lasting relationship, marriage is still the gold standard. Listed below are the top ten reasons why relationships fail. By becoming aware of the warning signs and making the necessary changes you will have a better chance of making it to “happily ever after.”
1. Lost that Loving Feeling – When we first meet someone that we are attracted to we are under the influence of a powerful cocktail of sex hormones. First you are hit with a blast of testosterone and estrogen which create that initial “he/shes hot”. Next we are slammed with increased levels of the neurotransmitters adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. And if that is not enough prepare for surges of the attachment hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. So what does all of this have to do with why relationships fail? Well, basically for anywhere from 12 to 24 months you are hijacked by your hormones and lost in that “loving feeling.” Once the hormone levels return to normal, (which unfortunately they always do) couples start to see all of the little imperfections in their partner. Partners can begin to feel more like roommates or even adversaries than lovers. That special someone that made us “so happy” now seems to be the target of our indifference or frustrations. We start holding each other responsible for our needs, wants and desires. We tend to stop putting in the energy and effort to please each other and become more and more aware of our unmet needs from childhood which usually leads to blaming, nagging, distancing and seeking other sources of gratification. This is where awareness, insight, communication and dedication to your relationship come into play. There are ways to increase your “love hormones” and get that “Loving Feeling” back.
2. Poor Communication – 55% of all communication is through body language. So those crossed arms, turned away body, avoiding eye contact, tense muscles, pursed lips, raised eyebrows, etc speak volumes. Learn to be aware of the messages you are sending and receiving from your partner. The tone, speed and volume of your voice account for 35% of communication. That extra pause you take before answering or the slightly raised or lowered voice, as well as “that tone” all speak volumes to your partner. Only 10% of communication is based on the words you are actually speaking to your partner. The first step is to become aware of how you are communicating on all three levels and learn some simple techniques to mirror, validate, and empathize with your partner. When couples stop talking and become distant or start attacking and blaming without ever resolving issues the relationship begins to break down. We all want to feel heard, know that we make sense and that we are understood.
3. Financial Problems – Money matters, but often not in the ways couples think it may. There is a bit of truth in the old saying “He with the Gold Rules”, so rule gently. Money can create control, power struggles, and resentment in relationships. Often however it is not so much about the dollars spent as it is about understanding each others attachment and feelings around money. And yes, we all have strong, even primal feelings about money. So, if you are a Saver and your partner is a Spender it may feel like your partner’s spending is an assault on you. Instead of realizing that you and your partner may have a very different relationships with money, individuals often feel like their partner does not care about their feelings – their need for security, or their need to enjoy life via that new car, dress, or sumptuous fine dining experience. Couples are in trouble when they start omitting purchases, hiding them from one another or squirreling away money behind their partners back. Over time it gets easier and easier to justify these little deeds/deceptions which will ultimately break the trust in your relationship. It is important that couples discuss and learn about each others spending style and then create a budget that embraces the styles of both partners. We recommend that couples create a main joint account that they both attribute money into for all the basics as well as mutual activities together. We also suggest each partner have their own individual account to honor their need to save or spend.
4. Lack of Time – Quality Time that is. In this day and age of high tech communication more and more couples find themselves working longer hours, working from or while at home, and during the evening and on weekends. Couples often complain about their partner spending too much time answering emails, texting and chatting with others while supposedly spending ‘quality time’ together. Whether it is being addicted to work, technology or the introduction of children to the marriage, the time that was once spent with our partner now takes a back seat. Initially, our partner was our number one priority and we spent a great deal of time with them and thinking about them. As the saying goes “Show me where you spend your time and money and I will tell you what is important to you.” Without quality time together couples grow further and further apart. Make time for you relationship. Plan mutually enjoyable activities at the top of your “to do list” and do them regularly.
5. Sexual Issues – Sex. Not having it, not having enough of it, having it with someone else or even something else, i.e. the internet, causes major problems in relationships. The bottom line is that a marriage without sex represents deeper unresolved issues in the relationship. If you are having sexual issues in your relationship you are not alone: over 50% of couples report having sexual problems and approximately 15% of couples report having sexless relationships. Most relationships with sexual issues eventually end in divorce. Therefore, unless you want to be fighting over who gets the fine china, it is important to stop avoiding this elephant in the room and discuss it with your partner or seek help if this feels too uncomfortable.
6. Marrying too Young – Women that marry before the age of 25 are twice as likely to get divorced than women who marry after the age of 25. In general, couples that are older have a better idea of who they are and what they want in life. They also have better communication skills and tend to be more established in their careers. If you are under 25 and you have met that special someone not all is doomed. It is important that as you mature as a couple you address life issues and goals as they come up and make adjustments to your relationship as a couple.
7. Loss of Respect and Admiration – When couples stop admiring each other and begin treating each other with disrespect the relationship slowly erodes. Spiteful words, name-calling and attacking ones character have long lasting if not irreversible consequences on the relationship. Like a wall that is built one brick at a time each unfair argument and cutting word builds a barrier of distrust, resentment and anger in the relationship. If couples stop showing respect and admiration for each other what do they have left? We all want to be respected and admired and when we are not, we shut down and pull away. After years of verbal abuse most couples call it quits. It is important that couples learn how to fight fair expressing their feelings without attacking and blaming their partner. It is important that you ask for what you need in the relationship and listen to what your partner needs as well. We often take our partners admirable traits for granted. Couples need to continue to admire each other and voice their admiration every day.
8. Opposites Attract and Butt Heads – Yes, many of us are initially attracted to people that are different from ourselves. If we are a bit shy, we love their exuberant outgoing personality, however, this love and admiration for the differences, can turn into an annoying misunderstanding of their personality. We may find ourselves saying things like, “Why can’t they calm down and quit talking to anyone who will listen.” If we are outgoing and free-spirited, we may initially love their responsible and stable attitude, but later feel controlled and defensive. Unfortunately, this initial attraction later sets the stage for many of our issues with our partner. Different values, different ideas of how to live our lives quickly leads to anger, defensiveness and a slow fracturing of the love affair. When you find yourself attracted to and ultimately falling in love with an opposite, realize that this is what has drawn you to this person. It is important to look a little deeper. Why are you shy and what does it mean if you are the life of the party? Or if you are footloose and fancy free, what does it mean to have boundaries and structure? It is also important to look at these differences and realize they add spice and or balance to your life and appreciate them.
9. Poor Boundaries with Extended Family – be it in-laws, siblings, step-children, ex-husbands or your own children, they all come into play when it comes to creating stress on your relationship. Being able to take time for yourselves as a couple, minus the other members of your family is crucial to sustaining a loving relationship. Supporting each other as a couple and as a united front, rather than letting the in-laws or the children overrun your partner is an important part in keeping the respect alive. As much as children are “bundles of joy” many studies show that couples without children are happier. Now that is not to say children are not a “blessed gift.” It is to say that they add stress to the relationship. Setting boundaries for your relationship, such as standing up for your partner and agreeing on the modes of discipline used for your children or step-children will keep your relationship strong and resilient. The best relationships resemble a pyramid with the “happy bride and groom” at the top.
10. Substance and Alcohol Abuse- These can destroy relationships one drink, one pill or one puff at a time. A dependence on any substance will be a distraction from true intimacy and romance. Unfortunately, the abuser is more in love with the substance than their partner. If the abuse continues, and the sober partner stays, feelings of resentment and anger become toxic, and possibly irreversible to the relationship. Standing by your partner while they are engaging in substance abuse, is setting the precedence for how other dynamics will be played out in the partnership. When one person is high you are living in two different realities never truly connecting. Asking your partner to seek help for their dependence, setting limits and establishing time frames for recovery will create the respect for yourself and your relationship.
By Lynn Valverde, LMFT and Leslie Davis, PsyD, LMFT
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If your partner feels the need to delete text messages on a daily basis is that healthy for a relationship? Is there reason for me to be concerned with this? I asked him if he does and he said yes
I was needy for many reasons because of his relationship with his ex. So we just started to be friends with benefits. I want him back but i still think im coming across as needy esp after sex
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Lynn is licensed psychotherapist practicing in the West Los Angeles and Beverly Hills areas. She specializes in work with adults and couples addressing problems ranging from Stress, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Relationships issues, Marital Problems, to Addictions. It is important that you feel comfortable with your therapist in order to discuss the intimate details of your life. Lynn would be happy to answer your questions and provide you with an initial sense of who she is as a therapist and of how she works. Please contact her for a free phone consultation or if you would just like to learn more about therapy.
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Home Page > Relationships > Dating > Best relationship tips for best couples
Best relationship tips for best couples
Posted: Sep 07, 2010 |Comments: 0
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What follows is an in-depth but extremely effective way creating a healthy relationship, one step at a time. Whether the two of you are on the verge of breaking up, or if you just feel something is amiss and needs to be looked at further, the words that follow are meant to get you out of your rut and have you enjoying your relationship again.
However, healing your relationship means that you’ll have to review how you’ve contributed to the problem – and what you need to to do fix it. Not what the two of you need to do, or even what your partner should do. Essentially, fixing a bad relationship means reconnecting with yourself.
Bad Relationship Fix #1: Determine What’s Going On
When asked, few people can explain what’s wrong with their relationship. They can explain in great detail what has happened, and who has done what to whom however! But hashing out the details doesn’t move your relationship forward. Instead, it places blame, creates anger and induces anxiety, none of which are conducive to your goal of a healthy relationship. As well, you need to diagnose the problem so as to troubleshoot, accept responsibility, and fix it.
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Bad Relationship Fix #2: Accept Responsibility
Bad relationships don’t just “happen”. Like healthy relationships, bad relationships are born, fed and nurtured into becoming what they are. Therefore, in order to fix a bad relationship, you must first look at how you’ve contributed to the problem as well as accept responsibility for your actions, intentional or otherwise.
Bad Relationship Fix #3: Review Your Relationship Myths
Most people believe that there are dating rules with which to follow to ensure a healthy relationship. And for the most part, there are. Where the problems lie are not in following these dating rules, but rather in following the wrong rules: myths, preconceived notions or outright falsehoods.
Bad Relationship Fix #4: Erase Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
Everyone has self-sabotaging behaviors. Whether or not your relationship succeeds depends on how well you are able to identify them, review the reasoning behind them, and conquer them. And creating a healthy relationship is dependent on you outlining these destructive behaviors with the intent of demolishing them.
Bad Relationship Fix #5: Adopt New Relationship Rules
Once you’ve moved past your relationship myths and self-sabotaging behaviors, your next step is to replace these defeatist actions and thoughts with positive, self-supporting and healthy rules to enable the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted.
Bad Relationship Fix #6: Create a Healthy Relationship
Moving to this stage of the relationship healing process means you’ve adopted some new ways of thinking, being and doing, and are now ready to start putting your work into action. It also means finally taking stock of both you and your partner, and what each of you needs and wants in a healthy relationship.
Bad Relationship Fix #7: Reconnect Lovingly
Finally its time to reconnect with your partner, and maybe even fall in love again. No more writing things down in your journal or working things out in your head. The insight you’ve gained will now be put to work to help both of you get what you need and want in your relationship. That being said, this last step definitely isn’t easy, and it takes a considerable amount of time. But if you truly do want a healthy relationship with your partner, this last step is essential to ensuring success.
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Categories: Relationships Tags: Best, couples, Relationship, Tips
Past Relationship Failure: Relationship Mistakes to Avoid
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Home Page > Relationships > Past Relationship Failure: Relationship Mistakes to Avoid
Past Relationship Failure: Relationship Mistakes to Avoid
Posted: Jan 02, 2011 |Comments: 0
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Do you feel that you will not be able to have one because you might repeat the same mistakes in your new relationship? Are you interested in learning from these mistakes to be able to have a successful relationship in the future?
Having past relationship failure can be difficult for individuals you want to start anew. There is always the fear of repeating the same mistakes and the relationship failing again the second time. However, if the person will always let the feeling of fear rule, then nothing good will come out of it and the person will continue to suffer even more. If you want to start a new relationship with someone you love, past relationship failure can be avoided by avoiding the following relationship mistakes.
Mistake #1: Too Much Jealousy: Jealousy is good in a relationship however too much of it can ruin a relationship. If too much jealousy has been the cause of your past relationship failure then you have to refrain from repeating such mistake again. Find time to sit down and talk it out with your partner if there is something you would like to ask when it comes to his being friendly with other girls. If you care for your partner and the relationship then you will try to find the time to talk about the problem and how you can avoid jealousy from ruining your relationship.
Mistake #2: Unfaithfulness: Being unfaithful to your partner can ruin your relationship. If you love your partner then you have to show respect by being faithful. If your past relationship failure had been due to you or your partner being unfaithful, then do not commit the same mistake if you want your new relationship to last. You have to learn your lesson and learn it well in order not to become a victim of the same mistake. If there is no more love between you and your partner then it is better to just end the relationship instead of keeping it while seeing another. This will only complicate things and you and your partner will only get hurt and suffer much.
Mistake #3: Absence of Communication: Communication is always important in a relationship. Absence of communication can put a strain in your relationship. One of the reasons why past relationship failure occurs is because people involved in the relationship fail to allot time for one another. If you feel that you are already losing touch with your partner then you have to exert much effort to stay connected always through communication.
Mistake #4: Rushing Things: Building a strong relationship takes time and patience. Haste makes waste they say and rushing things especially when it comes to relationships can cause more damage than most people realize. If you want to build a strong relationship with your partner and avoid committing mistakes that had caused your past relationship failure, then you need to take things slowly but surely. Learn patience, don’t rush things and you will be able to keep your relationship strong.
Want to learn more? Go to: 77 Secrets of Love and learn how to make him fall in love with you hopelessly.
Get Your FREE Report When You Visit Today:* Love Triggers Revealed *
This article is contributed by Tina Jones from the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
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My friend wants to know if her ex still cares for her. What should I text her ex-boyfriend? Please help cos I can’t seem to help
Ive been dissappointed in my past relationship bse i had aboyffriend who was 2 years older and things couldnt work out im now in search of a man who is older and ready to settle can plis help me find
I recently got involved with someone and had lied to her about a past relationship.she decided to leave me but recently told me should give me the oppertunity to to prove trust.how do i do that
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Categories: Relationships Tags: Avoid, Failure, Mistakes, Past, Relationship
Long Distance Relationship – Advice on Dos and Don’ts
Long Distance Relationship – Advice on Dos and Don’ts
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Home Page > Relationships > Long Distance Relationship – Advice on Dos and Don’ts
Long Distance Relationship – Advice on Dos and Don’ts
Posted: Jan 02, 2011 |Comments: 0
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Below are some of the advices that we have compiled over the years. Although they may look simple but when it comes to the actual execution, it may take more than your effort and discipline. It is your desire to survive the relationship that makes the most impact in writing the outcome of your distance relationship. Consider some of the below do and don’t list and together with your desire, I am pretty sure you are able to conquer your distance relationship with ease and fun.
Do’s
1) Establish an effective communication channel
The very first thing that you must do in a long distance relationship is to establish an effective communication channel. Most people will think that telephone is the most convenient mode of communication but apart from the telephone services, there are some other alternative you can use. Instant messenger, emails, VOIP phone and conventional mails can be very effective if you know how to use them. Each of the communication channels has its own advantages and disadvantages and therefore you must start to explore each of them to enhance your communication experience.
2) Plan to meet each other
There is nothing more important than planning to meet each other again at an interval of time throughout the period of your long distance relationship. This will help both you and your partner to catch up with each other over the things that you cannot do while apart. The anticipation of seeing each other again will always give you the excitement, hope and as well as eliminating the lonely feeling in your LDR.
3) Build hobby that you can both share
By building and keeping a hobby, both of you will have something to discuss and work on throughout your distance relationship. Finding something to do online can be quite interesting judging from its speed and reach ability but never leave out conventional hobby as well because you do not need to have your partner’s physical present to share a hobby.
4) Surprise your partner
Occasionally surprise you partner with cards, gifts, letter and flower out of their expectation apart from your normal correspondence. Put your imagination to use and your partner will be sure to love your effort in keeping them happy. Sending the unexpected gifts to your partner will always spice up your distance relationship regardless how far your partner may be.
5) Capture and share that interesting moment
Throughout the period of your LDR, you can always capture some interesting moment of yours by exchanging photos, video clips and as well as audio recording. This will indirectly keep your partner informed on what has happen in your life despite the physical distance.
Don’ts
1) Settle for a temporary replacement
One of the mistakes that a distance relationship couple often make is to settle for a temporary replacement when their partner is not physical around. By letting a third party into your life, you will not only put your distance relationship to risk but you will also break the mutual trust and agreement that you make. Although it may not be done intentionally but this type of mistake will be very costly to your long distance relationship.
2) Take the relationship lightly
The absence of your partner does not give you the license to dictate and manipulate the relationship. You must remember that, your partner has their own right to participate in any decision making toward the well being of your relationship regardless where there are. A long distance relationship is also as important as a normal relationship and your partner has their own right to be treated fairly.
3) Wait and see attitude
Most of the failures in distance relationship that we observed are contributed by the wait and see attitude of the couples themselves. This was caused by the insecurity of the couple as they do not think that the LDR will work but at the same time they do not want to put a stop to the relationship. Let me tell you this, if you plan to have this kind of attitude, refrain from walking into one at the first place because both you and your partner will suffer in the relationship. In a LDR, both partners must be committed and proactive in bringing the relationship to a higher level.
4) Suspicion
There are no rooms for suspicion in a long distance relationship. In order for you to survive your distance relationship, you must learn to trust your partner whole heartedly. A single suspicion will break the bond you have for each other and it is a beginning of the end if you start to suspect your partner at any point of your LDR. Although it is easier said than done but trust me, if your partner is apt to do something unfaithful to you, they will still do it under your nose. Therefore there is no need for you to create such unnecessary stress in your LDR.
5) Succumb to negative comment on LDR
Couples in distance relationship always make a mistake by believing that LDR do not work. The negative impression you have in LDR will eventually hunt you down and destroy your relationship if you choose to listen to the negative comment. Therefore, once you have decided to enter into a long distance relationship, you must learn to believe that your relationship will work. I knew it because I had successfully conquered my own distance relationship due to the reason that I am not influence by any of the bad comments I received.
Alex Chew is an avid believer of Long Distance Relationship. He has been actively involved in helping distance couples on their journey through his research works and books. He is also the webmaster of http://www.perfect-relationship.com and the author of Manage Your Way to A Perfect Distance Relationship e-book.
Copyright © 2005 Alex Chew & Perfect-Relationship.com. All right Reserved
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I am a pre-law student who is very money-motivated and at the same time a little uneasy about the large amount of debt I will take on trying to finance law school. I’d like to know what are the most lucrative areas of law to concentrat
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prereq classses? extra activities? Good undergrad grades, getting a good score on the GRE and LSAT. People with backgrounds in English Literature, History, Political Science or Philosophy tend to do well in law school. You might want to get a job in a law office as a secretary, law clerk, or paralegal.
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