5 Useful Tips you Could Use and Deal With a Partner Who Insists All the Problems in the Relationship Are Yours!
5 Useful Tips you Could Use and Deal With a Partner Who Insists All the Problems in the Relationship Are Yours!
5 Useful Tips you Could Use and Deal With a Partner Who Insists All the Problems in the Relationship Are Yours!
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Home Page > Relationships > Weddings > 5 Useful Tips you Could Use and Deal With a Partner Who Insists All the Problems in the Relationship Are Yours!
5 Useful Tips you Could Use and Deal With a Partner Who Insists All the Problems in the Relationship Are Yours!
Posted: Nov 15, 2006 |Comments: 0
| Views: 521 |
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Many couples are facing problems in their relationship. Your relationship may be having distress for one reason or another and it may seem that the other person is trying to place all the blame on you! This is very common and you may find it to be frustrating and irritating as well. There are a few things that you can do to help this situation get better and learn how to deal with it when your partner is insisting that all the problems in your relationship are yours.
If you are in a relationship where your partner is trying to blame all of the problems on you, you may find this to be very stressful. This is something that you will have to deal with and try to make right before you can go any further. This is not a excellent way to be in a relationship with anyone. You need to make sure that you are facing the facts that you are going to have to figure a way to place an end to this.
If your partner is putting all the blame on you for the distress in your relationship is talk it out. You will have to find a way to work through this problem. You may feel like you are alone in trying to make things better because the other person is claiming no responsibility. You should not have to feel this way. Sit down with your partner and talk to them. Tell them how you are feeling and what you want to happen. With any luck, this will help the situation and make things a small better.
Another tip is: you can do is making a list of all the things that are bothering you in the relationship. If you are having a problem with something that the other person did or is doing, you need to include it on the list. Have the other person do the same thing. You can then compare the list and find out where you both stand. Once you do this, you may see the similar reasons or the ones that are way off from what you believe is really going on.
Share the list with each other and try to figure out what you both can work on. Take notice if all the problems in the relationship are really yours and if so, what can you do to make this to fix what you are responsible for. But, you are going to want to evaluate your relationship and what you both can do to make it better.
Try to reckon about the things that you can do to make the relationship better. Are you having distress at work? Do the kids drive you crazy? These things can make the relationship have stress. One of the largest problems in a marriage or relationship is money.
Many couples today fight over money and not have enough of it. This is one thing that you cannot let ruin your marriage. If you are having a problem with the finances, you will have to discuss this with your partner and not fight about it.
You should reckon of ways that you can eliminate stress. When you are in a relationship, you sometimes let your stress build up until you cannot take it anymore. When this happens you will then take it out on your partner. This is not honest and you should not do this for any reason. If you under a fantastic deal of stress, you can reckon of ways to release it naturally. There are a few things that you can do to make your body and mind a small more at peace.
You can do things together with your partner to help you release the amount of stress that you are under. You can take a walk, watch a movie or sit together and just talk. You will not only feel much better, but you will be able to take some of the problems in the relationship off of you as well.
There is nothing incorrect with taking responsibility for having a terrible relationship as long as you are the cause. If you have a partner that is making your life hard, chances are that they are the problem and maybe they really have to re evaluate themselves to make some changes for the excellent.
The last thing that you can do to deal with a partner that is insisting that all the relationships problems are because of you is to get out of the situation. If your partner is not helping your relationship and you believe that you are not the sole problem, maybe you should reckon about moving on. You want to do everything that you can of course to make the relationship work, but sometimes the other person can make it impossible. There is just no reason for you to live your life miserable.
If your relationship is going down hill and you feel there is nothing you can do about, you may want to end it. Sometimes you just have to go onto another destination so that you can find yourself. Once you have figured out that you are not the problem and that you have done everything that, you can, you may want to simply step away from the entire relationship. This is going to be healthier for you and for the other person as well. You will be able to go on and get on with a relationship that works better for you.
It’s hard to be in a one-way relationship. Everything seems to be your fault and the other party refuses to take responsibility for their actions. This is the worst part of being in a one-way relationship, because it takes a part of you away. You will loose control of not only the relationship, but also yourself. You will lack self-esteem and nerve to stand up for yourself.
You need to give the relationship a chance, but you need to realize a point where enough is enough. You need to identify your breaking point and stick to your guns. If you say, it’s therapy or nothing, then follow through or they won’t ever take you serious again.
One tip you will want to use with a mate you feels that you are the root of all the relationships problems is to level the field. Tell them that you are equal to them as a person. You are not inferior to them, but you two are equal. You both having probably made some mistakes, but, it is not just one or the other. You both have a 50/50 partnership. Level the playing field by asking them what makes them better than you; this will get the other to shut up. Now that you have just leveled the field, you can start to talk about the things that both you in the relationship and for a couple moments focus on yourself.
Second tip to use to help you deal with a partner who insists that you are the problem to the relationship is too first as them why they are with you. If you truly cause them so much pain and problems, then they wouldn’t be with you, but, they choose to stay.
Question your mate why they feel the need to sit down and place you down, but still choose to be with you. If you were truly that terrible of a person, they would have left you. You need to see them for who they are; when a person puts another down it is their way of showing control and power.
The third tip for your relationship is to question you mate to list all the things that have gone incorrect in the relationship and question them why they feel that it is your fault. They will most likely walk away and you have just gained the power in the relationship. How long will you keep the power? When it comes to the power in a relationship it has to be 50/50. Now that you have it, what will you do? What you should do is use the power for your advantage.
The fourth step to guide you in this type of relationship is finding the way to use the power to gain yourself back. By now, they have probably taken a lot a way from you. Your self-esteem has to be low to place up with such abuse. When you are dealing with the power now, you will want to make your demands.
Like you want to go to couples therapy or you will want them to get help with their need to control you. You need to stand up for yourself. You need to stand up to them so that you can be pleased in the relationship. At this point you may find that they are willing to give therapy a chance or that they will resist the thought by trying to knock you down again emotionally. This is when you need to go to step five.
Step five in dealing with this relationship is finding a way to be comfortable to leave. Not all relationships will last, and nor should you allow someone to cut you down in size. You should not have someone take away your dignity or compromise your self-worth to be in a relationship. They can’t see you as a person, then, they don’t deserve you. If they aren’t willing to even give therapy a shot, then they aren’t in for the long run and they are wasting your time.
If you leave, never look back. This is obviously a relationship that you shouldn’t be in and they don’t deserve you. If it’s meant to be, you can work things out, but if they aren’t meant to be, then there is no need to carry out a relationship.
(ArticlesBase SC #73295)
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Are you Addicted to Bad Relationships?
Are you Addicted to Terrible Relationships?
Are you Addicted to Terrible Relationships?
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Home Page > Relationships > Are you Addicted to Terrible Relationships?
Are you Addicted to Terrible Relationships?
Posted: Aug 11, 2007 |Comments: 0
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Advertising executive, Carol Fena has been in and out of a relationship with banker, Neal for the last two years. They break up for a week or two but then keep getting back together until the next blow-up. Carol’s friends can’t know why she keeps going back to Neal and why she is so addicted to him in spite of the fact that he is emotionally abusive.
Many are the people caught in the web of addictive relationships. And often, we ourselves realise that we have been in relationships that have disappointed us in some way or another… relationships that didn’t work out the way we had hoped, wanted or thought they would. And, we’re not just talking about intimate and like relationships. We’re talking about toxic friends, back stabbing relatives, abusive partners and controlling family members, vicious colleagues.
Sometimes the poisoned relationship is with a family member or an in-law. Or perhaps a friendship has lived out its purpose. In this case, so much time has been invested in the friendship that it is hard to let go. But, addictive relationships are most often evident in romantic interactions between men and women.
UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS
Remaining in a terrible relationship not only causes continual stress but can also cloud your life with frustration, emptiness and despair. It can drain your energy and make you tense and stressed. Addicts become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self-personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. Such people struggle relentlessly to fill the fantastic emotional vacuum within themselves. Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is terrible for them.
One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are addictive. In case of romantic relationships, entering a relationship based on the dread of being alone is really self-destructive. In this type of scenario, an individual will choose to be with just about anyone to fill the void he/she has in life. Desperation for like and romance to fulfill your desires may lead to selection of incorrect partners. So, if you use your fears and insecurities to make your relationship decisions, you inevitably will have to suffer pain and suffering.
ATTACHMENT HUNGER
A person who is excessively attached to another person most likely carried those habits over from past relationships. The conditions in past relationships can leave a person feeling inadequate or mentally and/or physically abused. Romantic relationships are not the only type that causes such habits to develop; they can also stem from lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from family, early abandonment, unrecognised early needs and fears of rejection. Often, children who are not loved, nurtured and encouraged in their independence are left feeling ‘needy’ as adults and may thus be more vulnerable to dependent relationships. These ‘clingy’ feelings which develop early in childhood, often operate without awareness and can exert considerable influence on a person’s life. Often, dysfunctional relationship patterns are passed on from parents to their children.
Thus, unhealthy relationships can be a source of fantastic agony if there is emotional or physical abuse involved. Often, relation addicts do not want to see or believe that their parents, spouses, children or friends can be a toxic influence in their life. This kind of denial may last a lifetime, or it may give way to a painful awareness that the relationship is not healthy. Also, for many people caught in this trap, it is often a vicious circle. For them, the end of one relationship is not always the end of the battle. They choose destructive relationships over and over again. The consequences of their choices are painful and emotionally damaging, yet those that engage in this repetitive behaviour never seem to learn from their experience.
BREAKING THE CYCLE OF TERRIBLE RELATIONSHIPS
All relationships leave very vital clues about who and what we are. Try to remember all the relationships that you know have been terrible for you. Reckon of the relationship history and look for patterns, themes and repeating incidents. “If it is all about everyone else and what they did to you, it means you are a victim, helpless to affect change. When you can see where you are contributing to the problems, you can make changes. Personal accountability is the most empowering tool for healing. You can talk to a trusted friend or a counsellor depending upon the severity of your situation. Sometimes having an outsider’s perspective is helpful. Such a person can help you filter through your options and underlying motives for making a choice. Often, it is difflcult to sever ties with people with whom you are emotionally involved – say family members, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, ete. Breaking up will not be simple. Be sure to resolve any guilt you might be feeling. Too often we let other people relate to us on the basis of our weaknesses and faults. We are attracted to terrible traits in people and consequently, these characteristics lead to unhealthy relationships. These people have no other way of relating to us. It will take some re-learning and re-conditioning to achieve this change of relating to others through our strengths, especially if the negative relationship has been long term. You have to let go of negative relationships. It could mean you have to break a business partnership. It could mean you need to call off an engagement. It might require you to avoid toxic friends and buy some new friends who are right to you.
STAYING IN A TERRIBLE MARRIAGE
Married people stay together to work out their issues. This approach to marriage counselling believes that your partner is the right person to help you heal your wounds. With this approach, many marriages can be saved. But, there are three reasons to leave a relationship: The Three As. There is severe abuse, severe adultery and severe addiction. These three extreme conditions rarely change. In such cases, getting out of the relationship is vital. You are putting yourself, and possibly others, in serious jeopardy if you continue to stay in the relationship. Divorce in such cases is merited. Also, partners sometimes stay in terrible marriages for the sake of the children. But this can be a huge mistake if there is abuse involved, because doing so puts a terrible burden on the children. But marriage experts believe that each marriage has different issues and if the problems can be solved amicably, there is no need for divorce. A study conducted by sociologist Linda Waite at University of Chicago suggests that staying together is better for the children. She writes in The Case for Marriage that “most current divorces leave children worse off, educationally and financially, than they would have been if their parents stayed married, and a majority of divorces leave children psychologically worse off as well. Only a minority of divorces are taking place in families where children are likely to benefit in any way from their parents’ separation. I do not advocate divorce as a first step when a marriage is going awry. There are always ups and downs in a marriage. Anyone can manage life during excellent times. It is getting through the terrible times that makes or breaks a relationship.
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
It is not hard to break terrible relationship habits. Once you choose to let go off your clingy nature, healing will automatically come. Once you aim to heal your past and maintain healthy relationships, you will automatically stay away from associating with toxic people. Always try to keep your relationships healthy. People in healthy relationships grow together and don’t stunt each other’s progress. Learn to respect your individuality and give and take space. Sometimes we have to associate with negative people, but if you have a healthy self-esteem and courage to stand up for yourself, you won’t be affected by such people. Thus, the first step towards breaking terrible relationship habits is having a strong conception of your own identity. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. So, if you feel contempt for yourself or reckon very small of yourself, you may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to you. Learn to recognise such patterns in your life and pluck them off. There will be rage, resentment, hurt and pain. But, you will be breaking your psychological dependency on other people. Recovering from relationship addiction is a process of acknowledging and then letting go of pain, and finding ways to build a pleased life.
OVERCOMING RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION
1) Make your ‘recovery’ the first priority in your life. Look for roots of emotional abuse.
2) Go through your early relationships. Tell yourself that you’re an adult now, in charge of your life. Invest your time in disconnecting from the emotions that have been eating you alive.
3) Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself, i.e., fill in gaps that have made you feel undeserving or terrible about yourself.
4) Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs; you will no longer need to seek security from others.
5) Develop your spiritual side, i.e., find out what brings you peace and serenity and commit some time, at least half an hour daily, to that endeavour.
6) Learn not to get hooked into terrible relationships.
7) Find a support group of friends who know the pressures you might be facing.
Consider getting professional help, if need arises.
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Michael Douglas is a relationship expert and the proud owner of http://www.go-get-guys.com. Recently, he has launched another website http://www.lovers-lounge.com and a blog http://www.loverslawn.com for singles and married couples who needs new and refreshing thoughts to rejuvenate their sex life and relationships.
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What are signs of a terrible relationship ?
How do i get him to want a relationship we have been having sex for 6months now and every thing is fantastic but soon as he feels he is getting to close he pushes away I want him so terrible ugh!!! help
I am A 46 yr. ancient woman diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma, had simple masectomy with no terrible nodes.Took 2 doses of chemo only to end up wit a toxic dose now doing herceptin.what else can i do
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Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective ? Part I
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective ? Part I
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective – Part I
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Home Page > Spirituality > Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective – Part I
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective – Part I
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 |Comments: 0
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Improving Your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics from a Spiritual Perspective – Part I
(Excerpted from “Invisible Blueprints”)
“Like is everything. It is the key to life, and its influences are those that go the world.”
-Ralph Waldo Trine
“Interdependence is and ought to be as much the ideal of man as self-sufficiency. Man is a social being.”
-Mohandas K. Gandhi
My Integrative Intuitive Counseling work with clients over the past fifteen-plus years has given me the bird’s-eye view of relationships and the dynamics involved in them from an energetic point of view.
One of the areas in which I had early glimpses of these realizations and lessons in energy is that of relationships, especially romantic relationships. It goes without saying that relationships are very vital to most of us and represent an extremely vital aspect of our human experience, as Trine and Gandhi above so articulately expressed it. So of course most clients will want information on this area of their lives.
I’ve looked at many, many relationships over the past several years, including those a client was involved in at the time of a session, those from a client’s past, and future relationships. I’ve also looked at nonromantic relationships, including those with friends, parents, children, other family members, work colleagues, etc. I have increasingly gained insight into how relationships work (and why they do work at times and often do not work) and what the causative or contributing factors to the dynamics operative in this aspect of our lives may be. Over time, I gradually saw several factors that I feel influence the dynamics and viability of relationships.
Resonance of Energies
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
-Carl Jung
“Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between partners.”
-Colette Dowling
Early on in looking at romantic relationships I was primarily sensing how people’s energies resonated — or didn’t resonate well — and how that energetic resonance between the two of them affected both the dynamics of the relationship and the positive or negative aspects of what the people in the relationship were experiencing. Some people’s energies resonated quite well. Other people’s energies quite simply abraded.
For example, I’ve seen relationships in which one person’s energy was overwhelming the other’s energy. This often leads to the latter person feeling overwhelmed and powerless or constrained, certainly not a pleasant way to feel in a relationship. I’ve also seen relationships in which one person’s energy is warm and expansive and the other person’s energy is cooler or indifferent and/or contracted or narrow. This is also not a excellent interaction of energies. As telling as these dynamics of energy resonances were, I came to learn in time, but, that there were factors involved other than just the resonance of energies that contributed to whether relationships were excellent, workable, or right partners or “soul mates.”
Learning Relationships
“How savage is like that plants a flower and uproots a field; that revives us for a day and stuns us for an age!”
-Kahlil Gibran
I soon came to see how people’s inauthentic stuff — their issues — affected the dynamics in a relationship. Because the inauthentic overlay contributes to and affects one’s general energy, this inauthentic stuff will often be part of what is resonating (or abrading) between two people’s energies.
Often the pull between two people will be their “stuff” resonating, rather than who they really are. For example, one of the more common manifestations of this type of resonance occurs when a dependent person who may also be sensitive emotionally and/or come from some sort of abusive background is romantically involved with someone with strong and controlling energy; or when one person who is open emotionally and needs to connect and communicate openly with his/her partner is involved with someone who is closed down or withdrawn emotionally and thus neither available emotionally nor oriented towards truly openly connecting with someone. I have seen instances in which two people’s “stuff” is so complex and mutually resonating that they appear to fit together like a complex system of reciprocal keys fitting into each other’s locks. Often a condition of button-pushing and/or mutual interdependence in an unhealthy manner results from this type of resonance. (Hence, the term codependence.) Relationships of this type often exemplify a mixture of contradictory energies; they may be like/despise relationships or be full of volatility – and are rarely “clear sailing.” They are also frequently quite painful and can be emotionally draining.
This type of relationship, that is based on the inauthentic stuff resonating is often, as you may suspect, doomed to failure. I have seen many clients who were in this type of relationship and who may have stuck it out for years because they have both resistance to and inertia over getting out of the situation. Other clients may extricate themselves in a shorter period of time. If, how, and when these relationships are resolved is usually a function of the individual’s process and growth and his/her readiness for or resistance to change.
Usually when the choice is made to leave the relationship, it is because the person initiating that change has grown personally to the point where the personal lessons from the relationship are learned and the relationship no longer serves a purpose or feels the same. In other words, the resonance is no longer there. (This latter instance is representative of the common phenomenon that, as we learn and grow, we may grow past the people we’ve been close to, if they are not also evolving and growing. Kristen Zambucka described this phenomenon when she stated that, “We outgrow people, places, and things as we unfold. We may be saddened when ancient friends say their piece and leave our lives…but let them go. They were at a different stage and looking in a different direction.” This can be disconcerting to us, especially if we don’t realize that, if our energies are no longer resonating, any former feeling of closeness usually evaporates — and if we further don’t realize that this “changing of partners” is indicative of something positive in us, i.e., our personal growth.)
Over time and through repeatedly seeing a number of this type of relationship, I came to realize that these relationships that are based on the partners’ inauthentic stuff resonating are what I now call learning relationships. In other words, we often enter into some relationships primarily to learn and grow by working on our inauthentic stuff, and this purpose of learning tends to be the primary raison d’être for this type of relationship. This is distinguished from the soul mate or partner relationship in which we may be stimulating each other’s growth, but it’s not the sole purpose for the relationship.
The positive aspect of learning relationships is that they are often a wonderful catalyst for our growth. Each learning relationship tends to be centered around healing or reworking one or more aspects of our stuff. Place another way, “Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you” (Mike Murdock). And, usually, until we work on whatever the relationship is trying to teach us and we “get” it, we are doomed to keep repeating the lesson; that is, we can have a pattern of serially entering into similar relationships. Recognizing that we have a pattern in relationships can give us the key to realizing that there is something in ourselves to work on. “To know is to perceive patterns,” Isaiah Berlin wrote — including our own patterns.
If, instead, we don’t recognize that there is something to work on in ourselves we may stay stuck in the pattern for a more prolonged period of time. Often we will then project our unhappiness and blame externally and decry all men or all women as being “worthless,” “unavailable,” etc. — until we learn to figuratively point that finger back towards ourselves and look within to see what we need to work on or change in ourselves. “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” (Jung). Or, as Molière wrote, “One should examine oneself for a long time before thinking of condemning others.”
A variation on this theme of projection and blame centers around those people who are “rescuers.” Rescuers (not an essence type) are often soft-hearted people who are perpetually trying to help and rescue others, sometimes to the extent that they really believe that that is one of their purposes in life. As with those who project their own stuff outwardly and blame others and things outside of themselves, rescuers often need to figuratively point their fingers back at themselves and look within for what they need to rescue in themselves. A pattern of needing to rescue others often serves to deflect one’s attention from his/her own stuff and what he/she needs to work on within him/herself. As Aldous Huxley wrote, “There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that’s your own self.”
Learning relationships, especially those that engage us emotionally in an intense manner, are a strong mechanism by which we can evolve, as we are stimulated more — through the power of emotion — by these often hard and/or painful relationship experiences. I myself gained a major lesson in self-esteem through a relationship that was dysfunctional and quite hard. But, the lesson was extremely valuable and was permanently gained — and, indeed, may have been all the more permanently etched in me due to the extent of the difficulty and emotional struggle I went through.
What we stand to gain from relationships such as these will vary from one person to the next and can run the gamut from learning self-esteem, to becoming less passive and dependent, to learning to be more emotionally available, to being more caring, to being less self-absorbed — or even to becoming more discerning about relationships. The lessons can be quite diverse. But, one theme running through these learning relationships is that the universe is drawing attention to our inauthentic “stuff” that keeps us from being who we really are and is asking us to work on it. Not everyone, of course, will work on all, or even any, of his/her stuff in a lifetime because that may indeed be, as previously mentioned, what we are to experience in that lifetime – never getting back to our pure essence (and, also as previously mentioned, not everyone will have much inauthentic stuff to work on or clear).
Fascinatingly, I’ve seen another mechanism by which these learning relationships operate and that has to do with another factor that induces the two people to be together in a relationship, other than just the resonance of the inauthentic stuff. This factor will often manifest itself as a “pull” between the two people. This pull is often experienced as a sexual attraction, but may also be experienced as a mental or psychic pull: they are just drawn to the other person for some reason and can’t get that person out of his/her mind; or they are continually trying to figure the other person out. (And, yes, this can lead to obsession.)
What I have frequently seen that I find fascinating is that often when the lesson that was a major raison d’être for the relationship is finally learned, the pull between the two of them — sexual attraction, mental conundrum, obsession, or whatever — just disappears as if by magic. I regard this “pull,” but it is expressed and experienced, as a device used by the universe to get us to learn a lesson (by getting us into the relationship that will teach us the lesson). Such an fascinating and creative device!
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About the Author:
Diane Brandon is an Integrative Intuitive Counselor, Intuition Expert & Teacher, Speaker, Radio Host, & Author. This article is excerpted from her book, “Invisible Blueprints” (order at www.dianebrandon.net/products.asp). More information on her work may be found on her sites, www.dianebrandon.com and www.dianebrandon.net. She’s the host of “Vibrant Living Power” on Webtalkradio.net and may be contacted at diane@dianebrandon.com.
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Diane Brandon is an Integrative Intuitive Counselor, Intuition Expert & Teacher, Speaker, Radio Host, & Author. This article is excerpted from her book, “Invisible Blueprints” (order at www.dianebrandon.net/products.asp). More information on her work may be found on her sites, www.dianebrandon.com and www.dianebrandon.net. She’s the host of “Vibrant Living Power” on Webtalkradio.net and may be contacted at diane@dianebrandon.com.
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Categories: Relationships Tags: Dynamics, From, Improving, Part, Perspective, Relationship, Relationships., Spiritual
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective ? Part 2
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective ? Part 2
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective – Part 2
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Home Page > Spirituality > Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective – Part 2
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective – Part 2
Posted: Dec 18, 2007 |Comments: 0
| Views: 514 |
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In Part 1 of this article, I discussed relationships from the point of view of how people’s energies resonated and how their energies affected a relationship. I also discussed what I call “Learning Relationships.” Please see Part 1 for this information. Let’s continue with Part 2:
Healing and Purpose-Specific Relationships
“Through Like, thorns become roses,
Vinegar becomes sweet wine,
The stake becomes a thorn,
The reverse of fortune seems excellent fortune,
A prison becomes a rose bower,”…
-Rumi
“The greatest healing therapy is friendship and like.”
-Hubert H. Humphrey
“Until the Real Thing Comes Along”
-Sammy Cahn
Even though I’ve focused thus far on learning relationships in which the dysfunction or problematic resonates, I’d like to add that certainly not all relationships are learning relationships and, additionally, that not all learning relationships are hard or unpleasant. Aside from right soul mate relationships that most of us aspire to find and be involved in, there are other types of romantic relationships as well. Some of these other non-soul mate relationships may be pleasant, but don’t have a real “charge” to them, so that the people in them feel comfortable, but don’t feel inspired or really in like. The relationship may be pleasant or comfortable and non-challenging, but may also feel bland. I have seen several clients in relationships like this and have found that there is usually a purpose that this type of relationship serves.
One of the purposes for relationships such as this is to provide a healing aspect or soothing or comforting experience for those involved in the relationship. In other words, one or both of the people involved may have been through a particularly hard or draining relationship or experience, or even a series of such relationships, and the pleasant but bland relationship affords him/her the opportunity to heal from the other relationship(s). This type of relationship, the healing relationship, thus represents a relationship that affords R and R (rest and relaxation). This gives those involved the opportunity to be in a romantic relationship at the same time that they are healing from the draining relationship or experience, rather than attempting to recoup while alone.
I have further seen other positive relationships, which, even though they are still not the right, partner relationship, serve the purpose of “introducing” a person to the qualities and dynamics of a excellent relationship, while also allowing him/her to re-pattern his/her normal mode of relating. This may be the first positive relationship a person has ever been in, and the situation allows the person to experience the dynamics of a healthy relationship for the first time, while also sometimes gaining practice being in a excellent and non-dysfunctional intimate relating situation. Thus, re-patterning relationships such as this, even though they’re not with the right soul mate, serve as a mechanism by which one can re-pattern his/her traditional (and often unhealthy) role in a relationship and can learn instead to play a healthier role and experience more positive dynamics.
Another type of positive, but non-soul mate, relationship occurs when two people are going through similar things or are working (either growth-wise or career-wise) on similar issues. In other words, they are paralleling each other in some way with regard to growth or experience. This type of relationship, the paralleling relationship, affords them support, whether explicit, through mutual discussion of what they’re each going through, or implicit, through an unconscious awareness of their shared experiences, as well as insight on the shared issue(s) they’re going through, as they share experiences with each other. Paralleling relationships can subtly give those in them energy, instead of their being in a hard learning relationship that could drain their energy.
Some relationships may represent a combination of some of these types of relationships. As you can see from these pleasant, but non-soul mate types of situations, relationships will generally come into existence for a reason, whether we’re aware at the time of what that reason may be or not.
In addition, I have also seen people in non-soul mate or -partner relationships for more mundane reasons. They may have a rational, rather than emotional, reason for being in a certain relationship and may choose to be in the relationship out of a rational motivation. In other words, the mind may be engaged in the relationship, but not the heart. This could be, for example, because the person feels that he or she is ready to get married and/or wants children and just looks for someone to marry. I’ve seen some clients come up with a laundry list of what they want in a marriage partner, based upon external or superficial considerations (e.g., makes a certain income, is a certain height, drives a certain car, lives in a certain type of house, even how they look as a couple to others), rather than what the person is really like either on the inside or in habits or personality traits – or even how they feel about them. I have even seen some clients make a choice to marry someone because that person had one attribute that they wanted in a mate (for instance, a cool and steady temperament), irrespective of the fact that they really felt no emotional connection to or like for their future partner. This type of consideration is often a recipe for a future failed relationship, especially when the emotional component is lacking and there is, in its place, a preference for the rational and feeling-less element in the choice-making process.
I have also seen some clients choose to enter into — and doggedly stay in — relationships for financial security, although this motivation may be understandable for women in a society that has traditionally undervalued women economically. Whether one can stay permanently in such relationships depends upon the person and his/her priorities. But, I have often seen clients in relationships such as this who were miserable and whose hearts were crying out for right resonance and connection. The lessons in these relationships may have to do with independence, going to a deeper level, being right to oneself, or any number of other realizations.
Soul Agreements
The highest compact we can make with our fellow is, — “Let there be truth between us two forevermore.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
As I continued to explore different types of relationships, I started to question how they came about, especially the major learning ones in which the experiences may have been so unpleasant and the corresponding lessons gained so profound that it felt that there had to be a reason, or mechanism, behind the two people coming together in such a fashion — a reason or mechanism that existed on a higher level than just the “pull” (sexual, emotional, conundrum, or whatever) that was felt on this three-dimensional level. In other words, I felt that there had to be some additional, invisible factor bringing this type of situation about, other than two people whose stuff fit together so intricately and perfectly just meeting each other by chance or randomly — a factor that existed perhaps on a higher level. As I started to question for insight about this, I started to get information on what I now call “soul agreements.”
A “soul agreement” is an agreement made between souls while not in body (i.e., before the lifetime that the agreement is about) to encounter each other in a lifetime, interact (whether in a romantic, familial, friendship, work, or other type of way), and affect each other in some fashion, usually for learning, sharing, supporting, or otherwise stimulating each other’s growth or unfolding. As with hard learning relationships, the soul agreement may be to stimulate each other’s working on his/her inauthentic stuff.
There are many different types of soul agreements. For example, some soul agreements exist for just one specific lifetime. I have seen other soul agreements that ran through several lifetimes. I have seen both soul agreements that are for a very specific purpose (as a case in point, that the people involved will meet at a specific time in their lives to accomplish a specific thing) and others that are for more general purposes (for example, that the people involved will have a lifelong acquaintance with each other that is pleasant and mutually beneficial). I have seen soul agreements in which the souls have agreed to always interact throughout lifetimes for the same purpose or lesson and others in which the souls always interact, but the way in which it is expressed and the purpose it serves may vary from one lifetime to another. To illustrate this point, some souls may agree to always interact in an antagonistic way to stimulate each other’s growth, while others may vary the qualitative feel of the interaction over lifetimes, experiencing a congenial connection in some lifetimes and a more abrasive or antagonistic connection in others.
Hence soul agreements are made in the non-corporeal state when we choose and plot our lives and represent a behind-the-scenes factor for our involvement and interaction with others in the here and now, and, because they are mutual agreements on the soul level, there is no “blame” or judgment attached to the interactions, even if they are negative or unpleasant in any way.
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Diane Brandon is an Integrative Intuitive Counselor, Intuition Expert & Teacher, Speaker, Radio Host, & Author. This article is excerpted from her book, “Invisible Blueprints” (order at www.dianebrandon.net/products.asp). More information on her work may be found on her sites, www.dianebrandon.com and www.dianebrandon.net. She’s the host of “Vibrant Living” on Webtalkradio.net and may be contacted at diane@dianebrandon.com.
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We faced distress in our sexual relationship because of stress we had to be pregnant and now I want to know how we can improve our sex relation and chance of pregnancy
I want improve my self sex feel with my husband relationship, how can i improve my sex feel,, i want to extreme fulfilled with my husband touch,, i want to have know my husbands each and every touc
I like a girl and i said it to her.but she reject me.now she and her elder sister dont want to talk to me.what step should i take to get my like and conviance her elder sister?
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Diane Brandon is an Integrative Intuitive Counselor, Intuition Expert & Teacher, Speaker, Radio Host, & Author. This article is excerpted from her book, “Invisible Blueprints” (order at www.dianebrandon.net/products.asp). More information on her work may be found on her sites, www.dianebrandon.com and www.dianebrandon.net. She’s the host of “Vibrant Living” on Webtalkradio.net and may be contacted at diane@dianebrandon.com.
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Categories: Relationships Tags: Dynamics, From, Improving, Part, Perspective, Relationship, Relationships., Spiritual
Are Your Friends Hurting Your Relationship?
Are Your Friends Hurting Your Relationship?
Are Your Friends Hurting Your Relationship?
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Home Page > Relationships > Marriage > Are Your Friends Hurting Your Relationship?
Are Your Friends Hurting Your Relationship?
Posted: Aug 14, 2008 |Comments: 0
| Views: 458 |
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You exist within a web of relationships. For instance, if your friend is going through tough times, you may find yourself feeling an emotional heaviness throughout the day, thinking and worrying about your friend. As this colors your mood, your partner may start to notice that lately you’ve been preoccupied and down. Since emotions are contagious, this will impact your partner in some way and her/his interactions with others may now be different as a result of what your friend shared with you.
How is this relevant to your marriage or relationship?
Your relationship exists within a larger social context, and your friends, coworkers, family, and even the society in which you live can directly or indirectly impact your relationship. Reckon of your relationship as one link on a never-ending chain of connectedness.
This was evident with two couples I recently coached:
A brief tale of relationship isolation:
Tad and Wanda have lived together for a small over a year and during a recent coaching session, Wanda complained that “all of our friends seem to be getting divorced or breaking up. It’s depressing and makes me reckon there’s something incorrect with me for trying to make my relationship work. When I try to talk to my friends about a fight I had with Tad, they just tell me to ‘find someone better-suited to you,’ or ‘relationships are overrated anyway.’ The whole ‘there are lots of fish in the sea’ mindset isn’t helpful when I’m trying to make my relationship work now.”
Tad and Wanda lack the couple-to-couple support that is vital for a sustainable, long-term relationship. They both struggle with feeling like the “oddball couple” in a sea of failed relationships (and they don’t have any single friends who are pro-relationship)—and both acknowledged that this was starting to negatively impact their union.
A brief tale of marital support:
Molly and Jeff have been together for eleven years. Both are retired and have been active participants in their local community and volunteer for numerous causes. This involvement has offered them opportunities to develop friendships and socialize with other couples.
Molly joked that their friends “saved our marriage on at least two occasions” because of the support they offered Molly. She shared, “If Jeff and I are going through a hard time, for whatever reason, I don’t feel alone. I have at least two other women I can talk to who have been through hard times but they’re still happily married…I know I’m not alone in my struggles and that makes a world of difference. And I have a few single friends who are supportive of my relationship and committed relationships in general, even though they’re not in one now. All that encouragement among my friends really helps whenever I start to worry that the challenges of a romantic relationship might be too much for me.”
The need for relationship support
Couples like to hear about other couples who have successful relationships. Have you ever noticed how people in relationships are pleased to learn that a well-known couple is in it for the long haul? Many couples feel validated to learn that their favorite movie star or musician has resisted the temptations that come with fame and are committed to one person. Notice your reaction the next time you hear that people you know and/or admire are splitting up.
Couples root for other couples—there is an unspoken, cosmic connection, a sense that we’re in this together. If Brad and Angelina can make their relationship work, and your neighbors and friends can make their relationships work, you end up feeling more hopeful that you can make your own work.
Seek Out Relationship Support
Relationship support comes in many forms and the first step is to look in your own backyard. Make a list of all the individuals and couples you know and admire: family, friends, teachers, community leaders, local organizations or church members.
You might be surprised to learn that there are people in your life that have been married or together for a long time (and feel lucky to be with the same person). These couples can be an emotional resource for you and your partner. Would you consider asking them about their relationship, especially what has worked for them? Are you willing to seek their support when you (or your partner) need advice or guidance?
We all need relationship mentors—couples who have successfully navigated the complicated interpersonal terrain that comes with committed relationships. This doesn’t mean you should overlook friends not currently in relationships as potential sources of support. Often single friends who know and celebrate you and your relationship can be a safe place to go to when you need a different perspective or just need to vent.
Don’t overlook the vast relationship wisdom that surrounds you.
Many couples like spending time with other couples. If most of your friends seem to be in dire relationship straits or your friends’ values regarding commitment differ from your own, you need to expand your social network—seek out couples you and your partner can socialize with, couples dedicated to making their own relationships work. The goal of expanding your couples-support-system doesn’t mean you have to abandon your current friends because they aren’t in a relationship or their relationship is in distress—it means that you enrich your circle of friends to include those that believe in the benefit of a long-term, committed relationship and will help support you in yours.
It might seem like a paradox that you can be with someone you deeply like, yet still feel isolated. Often couples assume feeling isolated means there is something incorrect with their relationship—while this can be an indication that there are problems that need to be addressed, it can also be an indication that your relationship is surrounded by negativity and a lack of support.
No matter how strong your relationship might seem, you and your partner do not exist in a vacuum. When you establish the goal of building a support network for your relationship, you have taken an vital step in buffering the damaging effects of relationship-isolation.
Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?
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As a bonus, you will receive the well loved free reports: “The four mindsets that can topple your relationship” and “Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you.”
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.
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Question our experts your Marriage related questions here…200 Characters left
My best friend Amy said that a serious relationship with me could ruin our friendship and she couldent date me, but we had sex any-way, how do I get her for keeps?
I was needy for many reasons because of his relationship with his ex. So we just started to be friends with benefits. I want him back but i still reckon im coming across as needy esp after sex
If 8 months ago I was interested in another guy, but he only wanted to be friends with benefits. After my boyfriend broke up with me, this other guy now says he wants a relationship. What do I do now?
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Home Page > Relationships > Dating > Will Your Relationship Last Forever?
Will Your Relationship Last Forever?
Posted: Apr 06, 2009 |Comments: 0
| Views: 1,011 |
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Do you realize that it is perfectly possible for you to have a relationship that lasts forever? And a relationship that is not just normal, or struggling, but that is consistently fantastic. I believe that you can have a relationship where you are soul mates with your partner, and in like, and that you can have this over many many years until your are finally separated by death.
I call such a relationship, a “lifelong soul mate relationship.”
I know that you hope for such a lifelong soul mate relationship, but I suspect that you believe that it is only possible for you in some abstract kind of way. You may even believe that such a relationship is not possible outside of fairy tales.
It is possible for you to have a lifelong soul mate relationship, and there is simple first step to achieving this.
The first step is to see if a relationship, or a prospective relationship has the potential to be a lifelong soul mate relationship.
With regard to achieving a soul mate relationship all people can be divided into three categories. These are: (1) those in relationships that will never become lifelong soul mate relationships, (2) those in relationships that can become lifelong soul mate relationships, and (3) those currently not in a relationship.
(1) Relationships that will never become lifelong soul mates.
No matter how much you want your relationship to work, if your partner does not want it to work, then it won’t. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango. Many people really do not want to be a lifelong soul mate, preferring instead a much lesser relationship. If your partner is one of these, you have a simple choice to make, Settle for a relationship that falls far small of being a lifelong soul mate relationship, or get a new relationship. The choice is yours. The rules for having a lifelong soul mate relationship will help you judge your current relationship to see if there is any possibility of it becoming such a relationship.
(2) Those relationships that have the potential to become lifelong soul mate relationships.
These are relationships where both parties are committed to the relationship, committed to a future together, and both are interested in deepening the relationship. The chances of this type of relationship becoming a lifelong soul mate relationship are excellent. And remember the rules for achieving this relationship are simple to follow.
(3) Those that are not currently in a relationship
For those that are not yet in a relationship the lifelong soul mate rules can be used to judge any prospective partner, increasing the likelihood that any relationship that you are about to enter into will be a lifelong soul mate relationship.
So, take the first step to a lifelong soul mate relationship, and choose which of the above three categories your relationship fits into.
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Damian Miles is a life coach and NLP Practitioner and an expert in helping people to live the life of their dreams, and helping people become Powerfully Positive People. For more information on how you can start living your dream life, or on how to become a Powerfully Positive Person and start doing so TODAY check out Damian’s website at http://www.liveyourdreamlifetoday.co.uk
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I went to DC last week because of my husband’s new position. I am currently holding a NATO-2 visa as his spouse. Do I need to apply for a work permit to be eligiable to work in the States?
How many people have dependent personality disorder ?
Does any man here to develop everlasting relationship with a excellent nice,looking sophisticated woman to be with her forever?
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Damian Miles is a life coach and NLP Practitioner and an expert in helping people to live the life of their dreams, and helping people become Powerfully Positive People. For more information on how you can start living your dream life, or on how to become a Powerfully Positive Person and start doing so TODAY check out Damian’s website at http://www.liveyourdreamlifetoday.co.uk
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Home Page > Relationships > Enhance Your Toxic human relationship
Enhance Your Toxic human relationship
Posted: Jul 30, 2009 |
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In any human relationship, the most substantial thing you will be able to do is be truthful and gain ground the confidence of your partner. If the relationship is toxic, you might prefer to ascertain the best resolution that figures out for the both of you, simply be truthful while behaving so. You first need to make up one’s mind if the toxic relationship is hurting because of one’s own consequences, including behaviors. People vary; emotions deepen and as we progress to a full point of no coming back, we can frequently hunt deep down ourselves to ascertain if the problem in the relationship dwells. Relationships are established on believe and apprehension each other. If you don’t have confidence and understanding, to a higher degree in all probability your relationship will become toxic. This signifies you and your better half require to find a resolution to address with the problem, or get around. Plain and simple, you can’t have your cake and eat on it too. Putting down the base to start with is the opening to a successful human relationship. Groundworks established on constancy offer a honouring, long-lasting human relationship, while unsound groundworks head to breakups. Therapy is effective, but if you are able to sit down and talk through and through your own troubles this is the best resolution and it will save you money. Talking is the cross out of eradicating problems, although frustration comes up from those who cannot form the skills to communicate. Incompatibility can head to breakup, thus weighing out your human relationship vigilantly before setting out a relationship can forbid catastrophe. If you are already involved in a toxic relationship to a higher degree probably, you will need to assess the compatibilities. You do have the alternatives of going through the incompatibilities or getting out. Compatibility draws out family history. If you are hurting due to family quarrels, the ride becomes strenuous. Families that incline to like the individual their child is with, is less believable to give you problems. Toxic relationships are dreadful when families butt against your business oftentimes. Many individuals who start relationships and have lived with their partner for sometime may learn that neither company is well-matched. The relationship can still figure out if the two of you commune and make up a plot that both can agree on. Read and learn the substitutes excellent relationships by purchasing books that offer a effective strategy for the antagonistic couples. Several times people confide to relationships with the thought that they can change the other individual later. This isn’t excellent! Either you like whom you come across, or you don’t. No one can change another individual, the person must have the hope to change him or her ego, and the opening go to change is toleration and then willingness to make the changes. One should be questioning those who vow to change for you. Oftentimes the promises are not fulfilled, or the person has “buried threats” that gave the axe onto you subsequently. If you are a idealist, you may view your spouse as a fantasy. This isn’t excellent either. You lose the benefits by not progressing to know the person you’ve coupled with or you waken from your stargaze and find that you caused a grave mistake. The main focal point to hold in mind is communication, spend quality time, stay focused, and lay a excellent cornerstone for your relationship; keep open and be dependable and learn to trust each other, with unselfish motives. Selfishness has contribute to several problems, including adultery, murder, fornication, theft, and so on. Thus, selfish is among the leading causes of breakups in relationships and marriage. As you will be able to see, sharing plays a large part in like and relationships. When two people share, they’re giving something to the other that leaves a lasting feeling of joy and like. To people working together without selfishness often build a relationship on solid grounds, and often endure through tribulations, joyous moments, and so on. Relationships built upon solid grounds rarely come apart when troubles come their way. Thus, enhance your toxic relationship, or take out! For More information about Like and relationship, you might want to check this out : http://www.salesfiscal.com/love_and_relationship
In any human relationship, the most substantial thing you will be able to do is be truthful and gain ground the confidence of your partner. If the relationship is toxic, you might prefer to ascertain the best resolution that figures out for the both of you, simply be truthful while behaving so. You first need to make up one’s mind if the toxic relationship is hurting because of one’s own consequences, including behaviors. People vary; emotions deepen and as we progress to a full point of no coming back, we can frequently hunt deep down ourselves to ascertain if the problem in the relationship dwells. Relationships are established on believe and apprehension each other. If you don’t have confidence and understanding, to a higher degree in all probability your relationship will become toxic. This signifies you and your better half require to find a resolution to address with the problem, or get around. Plain and simple, you can’t have your cake and eat on it too.
Putting down the base to start with is the opening to a successful human relationship. Groundworks established on constancy offer a honouring, long-lasting human relationship, while unsound groundworks head to breakups. Therapy is effective, but if you are able to sit down and talk through and through your own troubles this is the best resolution and it will save you money. Talking is the cross out of eradicating problems, although frustration comes up from those who cannot form the skills to communicate.
Incompatibility can head to breakup, thus weighing out your human relationship vigilantly before setting out a relationship can forbid catastrophe. If you are already involved in a toxic relationship to a higher degree probably, you will need to assess the compatibilities. You do have the alternatives of going through the incompatibilities or getting out.
Compatibility draws out family history. If you are hurting due to family quarrels, the ride becomes strenuous. Families that incline to like the individual their child is with, is less believable to give you problems. Toxic relationships are dreadful when families butt against your business oftentimes. Many individuals who start relationships and have lived with their partner for sometime may learn that neither company is well-matched. The relationship can still figure out if the two of you commune and make up a plot that both can agree on. Read and learn the substitutes excellent relationships by purchasing books that offer a effective strategy for the antagonistic couples. Several times people confide to relationships with the thought that they can change the other individual later. This isn’t excellent! Either you like whom you come across, or you don’t. No one can change another individual, the person must have the hope to change him or her ego, and the opening go to change is toleration and then willingness to make the changes.
One should be questioning those who vow to change for you. Oftentimes the promises are not fulfilled, or the person has “buried threats” that gave the axe onto you subsequently. If you are a idealist, you may view your spouse as a fantasy. This isn’t excellent either. You lose the benefits by not progressing to know the person you’ve coupled with or you waken from your stargaze and find that you caused a grave mistake. The main focal point to hold in mind is communication, spend quality time, stay focused, and lay a excellent cornerstone for your relationship; keep open and be dependable and learn to trust each other, with unselfish motives. Selfishness has contribute to several problems, including adultery, murder, fornication, theft, and so on. Thus, selfish is among the leading causes of breakups in relationships and marriage. As you will be able to see, sharing plays a large part in like and relationships. When two people share, they’re giving something to the other that leaves a lasting feeling of joy and like. To people working together without selfishness often build a relationship on solid grounds, and often endure through tribulations, joyous moments, and so on. Relationships built upon solid grounds rarely come apart when troubles come their way. Thus, enhance your toxic relationship, or take out!
For More information about Like and relationship, you might want to check this out :
http://www.salesfiscal.com/love_and_relationship
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Question our experts your Relationships related questions here…200 Characters left
My wife has been in an adultress relationship for the past 5 months. She is still in our home with our 6 children. She is in like with this other man. I like my wife dearly. I feel helpless. HELP Me
Does age matter in a like relationship ?
How do u go from being into a relationship and then having her break up with but still feel the same and like u, so my question is how do i get her back?
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Home Page > Relationships > Marriage > Marriage as a Relationship
Marriage as a Relationship
Posted: Oct 02, 2009 |Comments: 2
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Living in a marriage is an art, a skill and a commitment. It is essential to learn the basics of relationship and making a vibrant life based on that relationship. This would certainly ensure a satisfied and blissful marriage. Marriage is a huge responsibility as it makes a man learn more about life and its philosophy. From a woman’s point of view, a marriage and having children make her whole and complete. By not marrying, individuals miss out on the wonderful feeling of existence and essence of being. To delight in a complete bliss in a marriage it takes a million tiny moves from two people who are from different worlds.
There isn’t a way to learn about marriage other than from experience. These methods about marriage are not taught in a school or university. People just follow the path laid down by their predecessors. This implies a lack of effort in trying to learn the fundamentals of marriage and relationships. In an ideal world a marriage should work just fine but it doesn’t. Some marriages breakdown or there is some tension in a relationship. The partners in a marriage become victims of stress and strain. In such an emotionally charged mindset, many of them fail to analyze, investigate, and realize the quintessence of life and their role in a married relationship.
For a smooth running of a relationship, it is vital to offer compromises to your partner than just feeling excellent about being in a relationship. One should pause to question oneself does being married only means getting comfortable with security of having food and clothing, and shopping? Marriage is hard enough bringing such low expectations into it. Being in a relationship, instead, means doing things what other partner wants, doing in the way partner wants, gives immense pleasure to the partner. This ‘relationship action’ gives satisfaction of being in a relationship. People everywhere have lost the pleasure of performing these ‘relationship actions’. They try to find peace and happiness by abstaining from ‘relationship actions’. Hence everyone looks forward to the weekend and vacation. This is new generation weakness. If you cannot find peace and happiness in ‘relationship actions’ you can never find it through abstaining from them. At least one ‘relationship action’ in a week keeps the relationship going stronger and deeper—which can be measured by a cheerful and broad smile on the beloved’s face.
Most people today seek wealth and enjoyment from marriage. This is kind of top line in modern marriages at least to initiate the marriage proposal and later they match compatibility and personality to find the right person. Although it is well accepted, and many a time people do get the lifestyle desired; for a relationship to endure, the key factor is to accept one another and share each other’s experience in a married life.
In regard to it, a relationship can be clarified in Sanskrit as “Anubhava dhara”, as in a stream of experiences. As long as experiences flow, there is a life for both as a couple. When the flow ceases relationship becomes extinct. An experience is therefore a unit of life. This life experience comprises of two factors: Subject and Object. When you communicate with the world, subject meets object, you gain experience. Together or individually the flow of experiences is life. At the end of the day an ideal spouse would be one who is able to spellbind you to share or listen to the experiences either for the interest on you (subject), the tale (object) or both. If not or if there isn’t any common experience between two; relationship is going to go down. Thus, sharing of experiences and opinions between two are vital in a sustained healthy relationship.
Let us look at a few ways available to take this relationship to a higher plane. How you as a couple are related to the world to find peace and harmony? It is not the world or other people who bother you as you believe it to be—but the relationship you have with them. It is practically impossible to have selfless service in marriage. But, it is essential to mend the quality of emotion from preferential attachment to like. Raise self-awareness of reliance of a soulmate in every aspect from mundane to the extraordinary experience to one’s senses. This will reach the culmination of life and relationship, the ultimate state of peace and bliss, the goal of marriage.
Spiritual connection is very essential in every relationship which is the superset of physical attraction. This binds two souls made for each other. There is chemistry in whatever they attempt to do together. Mind carries soul-mate images to boost up motivation and deal with real life in day-to-day activities. This state in mind results in blissful conditioned-consciousness known as waking, dream and deep-sleep. It is wise not to submit oneself to superstitious belief of relationships or mechanical rituals. This may retrograde the spiritual connection between the relationships.
Most of the misunderstanding and suffering in a relationship are due to self-centric nature of the partners. They cannot see relationship as a whole. Although we are aware that the world is not designed to cater to a particular individual, we do expect a partner to cater in the way he/she wants to see his/her life. When things are not going in their way, most people contradict their trust they had in the beginning of the relationship and go for outside opinions. They hardly investigate the truth. They do not exercise their own judgment. They rely on outside forces to do their thinking. And they function predominantly on blind assumptions in mechanical way. This is spiritual suicide of the relationship. Self-centric nature can never do excellent to a matrimonial relationship. And those minds destabilize the family environment. Thus the partner loses stability in crucial episode of their life.
In some cases, some people, if the situation with their partner is not favoring them, they rely on other parties like extended families, friends for emotional support or for any kind of anticipated future life security support as their back-up. These substitution declines the strength in the relationship gradually. To have constant energy flow in a relationship it is vital to make vital emotional reciprocity and getting on common terms with your partner is necessary in all aspect.
Here are some simple techniques to refresh the quality of your relationship. Remember your wedding ceremony. Remember your honeymoon. Remember your marriage. Have you ever been awake? Have you ever missed any opportunity where you could have fallen asleep? Physical relationship needs seasoning, it needs time, it needs depth, intimacy, living together, being together. If Sex becomes such a trivial thing – just a bodily affair where surfaces meet and your depth remains untouched. You are again missing something, something fantastic, and something very mysterious – because you become aware of your own depth only when someone else touches it. Only in a deep relationship does somebody’s like resounds in you and brings your depth into being. Only through somebody else you learn yourself.
No one can force trust on someone; that can never happen. Like always trusts. Sex makes jealousy. If you like somebody in a relationship, sooner or later that person comes with a loving heart. You found the right person. But if you are jealous you will not find that person. If you are simply looking for sex or security for life, you will not find like. Like is hard path, only courageous people can travel on it. It is a penance. There are only two ways to reach the divine: meditation or like. It’s up to you to find your way.
Sex is vital in married relationships. It is the lowest form of energy. If you are spiritual call it ‘God’, if you are scientific, call it ‘X’. This energy, X, can become like. When it is like, then you start respecting the other person. Sometimes you use the other person and feel thankful for it. When you are in like with a woman and you make like to her, you acknowledge. How many people acknowledge or say like-you after you have sex with your partner? May be, many years before, you can remember some time when you were just undecided, just trying! Expecting acknowledgement first from partner, then I acknowledge back is also not like. Once both are settled, taking each other for granted and gratitude has disappeared. This factor deteriorates any strong relationship. This cannot be one day tale, must be on going.
Well, right fact is only a woman is real source of existence, who influences every aspect of family. Man is just a player and executor. Although these days, both partners take responsibility of running a family, man holds upper hand. On the other hand, woman is the real energy to go family forward. Without her energy factor, he will be lame. More clearly people know this notion more prosperous will the family be.
In India, most parents play a huge role in marriages. Some parents impose their thoughts of marriage. They say “If you marry this person so and so, my blessings are there with you, otherwise we will not bless you”. They do not allow their children to like anyone unconditionally. Some modern parents, the so called educated class say “marry whoever you like” in a string attached way. This ‘liking’ is not excellent enough to spend entire time together. These parents try to look excellent limiting their constraints and leaving everything to their children. Like cannot happen based on parents schedule or one’s personal schedule or based on age.
Many of these kinds of marriages end up in tales like this. A lady goes to pet store to buy one. She sees a bird with huge beak “what is this weird looking bird?” Proprietor answers “That is gobble bird”. She enquires “Why he is named like that”. In answer the man said to the bird “Gobble bird, my chair”. Immediately, bird started pecking away and gobbles up the chair. The lady, with no more questions says, “I want to buy it”. Owner questioned why she needs to buy. She answered “Today evening my husband comes home, he will question ‘what is that?’ then I will say ‘Gobble bird’. And then he will say ‘Gobble bird, my foot’. What like? What an understanding they have got. Why do they have to marry?
This couple even though they fight and despise each other, they care for each other. This caring is really not enough. This level of caring comes from cultural values we inherit. Most of them try hard to save their marriage. This group of people does not live up to their life. They compromise to look excellent. They call it like by the satisfaction of sacrifice and compromise they make. This is not like in married relationship, this is not sacrifice. This way we can like anyone around us.
Sacrifice and compromise has to happen in the partner’s interest, and this spontaneously comes out of right like. Like in married relationship is truly associated and should be bound to our right emotions and feelings. Some call such couple as soul-mate. That motivates, inspires, dares, encourages and builds strong confidence, character and attitude for these soul-mates. One should aspire for that like where one can attempt do anything required for a special emotion moment to capture which behold in life forever.
Only those couples in a relationship, can find each day in new horizon, new aspirations. They live entire life as if there is no tomorrow. These cute hearts take life in a positive spirit and reckon both pleased and sorrow moments equally in life. They balance their life by giving what they need to give in a relationship.
They explore the right world and see it through different lens than rest of us. They convey like is not learnt from school or university. Like is embedded in our brain like any other fundamental living mechanisms such as, eating, sleeping, very nature of human. They live their life to full, make better environment around them and hopefully produce gorgeous replicas of themselves in the world.
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Living in a marriage is an art, a skill and a commitment. How to bring-out like which is embedded in our brain to your partner to take relationship to the higher plane? Learn essentials of relationship and making a vibrant life with your partner. Some tips to keep the emotional connection and relationship going. Some simple techniques clarified to refresh the quality of your relationship and also living extraordinary with your partner.
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lViews: 429
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2. smitha 14/11/2009
Only those couples in a relationship, can find each day in new horizon, new aspirations. They live entire life as if there is no tomorrow. These cute hearts take life in a positive spirit and reckon both pleased and sorrow moments equally in life. They balance their life by giving what they need to give in a relationship.
This is such wonderful thought…..
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1. Olympia 05/11/2009
“Only through somebody else you learn yourself”, well said.
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Home Page > Business > Sales > What’s in a relationship?
What’s in a relationship?
Posted: Nov 25, 2009 |Comments: 0
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What’s in a relationship?
By: Sue Barrett
About the Author
Sue Barrett has a unique way of getting to the heart of the matter- she combines extensive knowledge, research, insight, and practical experience with a deep sense of compassion for all people to bring forth a more enlightened way of thinking and participating in the world. This makes her stand out from the usual crowd of existing business speakers. She believes that everyone lives by selling something and that all of us, no matter our background, can achieve excellence through purposeful action. Her ability to distill complex thoughts and relate them to life’s everyday challenges and opportunities has audience members leaving with a stronger understanding of ‘self’ and how they can start to achieve excellence through purposeful action.
(ArticlesBase SC #1501584)
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ – What’s in a relationship?
The term ‘Relationship Selling’ is often bandied about by sales managers and sales people without properly defining what it really means.I often hear “We are in relationship selling” or “We need relationship sales people” but what I do not hear being questioned is:
What type of relationship are we talking about? What type of relationship are we looking for? What do we mean by relationship selling anyway?
Relationship selling happens in any place where relationships are vital. Thus when a husband and wife are negotiating about something, they will be more successful if they both consider the relationship as well as whatever it is they each want.
Most people’s intentions are to have healthy viable business relationships, but this does not always happen, just like in our personal lives.
And I see many businesses and sales people in distress because they have set up the incorrect types of relationships with their clients to start with.
If you do not clearly define what you mean by Relationship Selling then you may end up with client relationships like these:
Abusive relationships aggressive clients who bully and intimidate sales people/ suppliers, or the other way round Professional Visitor relationships Calling in for a chat, coffee, etc. In small being paid to have a social life. Master/servant relationships ‘You are here to serve my every need.’ I see this all too often in business banking where some clients take advantage of the ‘over servicing’ of some business bankers using them a free accounting service. I am sure the accountants won’t be pleased with this loss of revenue. I know the client is pleased but is it a healthy relationship in the long run? Huge brother relationships ‘You’ll do as I say or else…” Win:lose or lose:win relationships (someone has to lose out) Friendships at the expense of profitable business partnerships (see professional visitor) Broken promises relationships “I’ll get you in here if you give me this…” but it never comes through despite all those promises Exploitative or Deceitful relationships double dipping or tricking people into something they were not aware of. For instance a course participant on one of our recent sales training programs told of a telco sales person who sold the handset separate to the call plot when in fact the handset was already part of the plot, so the customer paid twice of the handset. This is fraud and can easily ruin your business’ brand and reputation over night. ‘I work for you instead of my company’ relationship sales people siding with the client by giving away excessive margins, products, etc. at the expense of the company. This is really theft. Hostage or Handcuff relationships ‘I have to deal with but you really add no value to me or my business and I really resent that.’ ‘I have to deal with you because my parent company says so.’ Your payment terms are disregarded by larger businesses because they only pay at 60+ days (not the 14 or 30 days you agreed to) Relationships under pressure Sales people having to meet monthly quotas hence they may use more pressured methods than perhaps they would like. This is a hazardous practice, as it may seriously hurt an ongoing relationship, putting additional pressure on the hapless sales person who falls into the perilous chasm. It amounts to selling stuff to make a quota not build a viable relationship.
And so on.
Do you have any of these types of relationships in your business? What types of relationships are you attracting to your business? Are they healthy or not? What are they making or costing you?
Some of the relationships mentioned can be particularly relevant for SME’s when dealing with huge business where, for instance, your size can be used against you. I also see sales people in relationship sales roles for huge businesses as well as SME’s who over service existing client at the expense of selling and winning in new business thinking this is excellent relationship selling. It is not, as it sets up unrealistic expectations and costs too much.
So Relationship Selling needs to be clearly defined or else we are at risk of making unhealthy, unprofitable relationships.
All relationships change and are continually evolving over time for better or for worse.
I recall a fantastic saying I heard and often refer to which I reckon gets to the heart of this:
You have friends for a reason, a season, or a life time.
The same is right for business / client relationships too.
First of all consider this:
Buying is a value judgment made in the mind of a person who has the ability to buy, a genuine need/ want and the capacity to pay.
Selling is understanding that mind set and the accompanying values and priorities, and delivering on expectations through effective communication (such as questioning and listening), thoughts generation and collaboration, creative problem solving and relevant solution generation, and gaining commitment to go forward together.
Whether it is business to business or retail to consumer selling, this definition holds right.
Therefore Relationship Selling is an extension of this where the primary objective is the building of long-term viable business relationships with customers from which repeat and/or additional business will flow and a win:win outcome is achieved for both parties whether it is for a for a reason, a season or a life time.
In my research for this piece I also came across an article ‘How to have a healthy relationship’ which, while referring to personal relationships, was quite pertinent to business relationships and in particular Relationship Selling. It referred to the following steps:
Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness Make and keep clear agreements Use communication Approach your relationship as a learning experience Tell the unarguable truth. Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation. Forgive one another Review your expectations especially attitudes towards money Be Responsible Appreciate yourself and your partner. Admit your mistakes and say sorry. Spend some quality time together
You can find the full article at http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Healthy-Relationship
In addition I want to add the following tips for sales people and their respective businesses.
Make sure you:
Clearly define your level of service/products offerings and pricing. Know what you are excellent at and clearly communicate and deliver that. Make a network of businesses who are experts in allied fields to you so you can refer your clients to them when a needs arises you cannot fill. Learn to say ‘No’. Stand up for yourself, just because you are small doesn’t mean you can’t be a professional, well regarded business in your market. Don’t take it personally. Know the line between friendship and professional business relationships
So in closing I wish you all the very best with all your relationships both personal and professional. May they be healthy, pleased and prosperous for all.
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About the Author:
Sue Barrett has a unique way of getting to the heart of the matter- she combines extensive knowledge, research, insight, and practical experience with a deep sense of compassion for all people to bring forth a more enlightened way of thinking and participating in the world. This makes her stand out from the usual crowd of existing business speakers. She believes that everyone lives by selling something and that all of us, no matter our background, can achieve excellence through purposeful action. Her ability to distill complex thoughts and relate them to life’s everyday challenges and opportunities has audience members leaving with a stronger understanding of ‘self’ and how they can start to achieve excellence through purposeful action.
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Is Your Relationship Healthy?… and how to Instantly Improve it if NOT
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Home Page > Relationships > Is Your Relationship Healthy?… and how to Instantly Improve it if NOT
Is Your Relationship Healthy?… and how to Instantly Improve it if NOT
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Is Your Relationship Healthy?… and how to Instantly Improve it if NOT
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Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ – Is Your Relationship Healthy?… and how to Instantly Improve it if NOT
I’m about to let you know the real reasons why men in relationships so often act this way… and what to do about it.
I’m also about to clarify why so many women end up in unfulfilling relationships with men who “TAKE TAKE TAKE”, and why these women so often end up getting small back for all their efforts.
First off, tell me if this sounds at all familiar…
You meet a fantastic guy and you start dating.
The “chemistry” is simply INCREDIBLE and you can’t believe how into connecting and sharing he is…even on that emotional level where other men often fall flat.
You spend time together and keep growing closer, and you start to believe that maybe you’ve finally found that incredible friend, companion and lover all in one.
He’s so open and caring… listens and pays attention to you and what’s going with you in a way that few men you’ve met can.
Your connection is unbelievable.
You both know you can count on each other in ways that feel like you’re closer than you have been with a man in a long, long time.
Since you’re both so close, he starts to depend on you for a few things in his life… and you’re pleased to help him since you really care about him and are a generous and loving person.
But, as time goes on, something starts to slowly “shift.”
It starts with small things…
He starts acting a small differently, and stops doing a lot of the things he used to do that made you admire and respect him.
Somehow, he seems less confident, present, and “connected” with you.
And then you notice…
There’s something different about how he depends on you, and it sets off your “radar.”
You start to wonder if how he is with you is entirely healthy.
You start to feel “drained” with him and with the relationship more and more… but you know that a relationship is about give and take, so you keep giving and have faith that things are going fine.
More time passes and you start to notice something else…
You see that he isn’t becoming more appreciative of all the things you’re doing for
him and your relationship.
In fact, it feels like he’s starting to take more and more of it for granted.
Really, he seems LESS APPRECIATIVE of you and your relationship in general.
He starts asking and depending on you even more, without any real thanks or reciprocation.
The more he does this, the more you sense that there’s a kind of needy “childishness” inside him that’s becoming clearer.
You want to be there for him and be a fantastic partner… but you also want that fun, strong, playful, loving, confident man back who was there before things changed.
With all this going on, you’re not exactly sure of what to do about it or what’s going on for him that’s making him act this way.
He doesn’t seem to pay you the same attention, give the same affection and support that you give him, and it’s starting to feel unfair and bother you.
Your relationship is starting to feel like it’s all about making sure “he’s” pleased.
Which of course doesn’t leave much room for what’s going on for YOU.
You know things can’t go on this way if your relationship is going to work and be something worthwhile and “real.”
He’s got to see what’s going on and stop being so self-involved.
You know that he’s had some challenges in his own life and maybe he just doesn’t see what’s going on. So, you choose to not make a huge deal out of it. But, you know that something needs to change… soon.
So, you finally choose to talk to him about what’s going on.
You go over in your head again and again what you’re going to say to him and what’s been going on for the last several months.
You’re sure that he’ll see what’s been happening and all the things you’ve been doing for him and the relationship, and he’ll give you some understanding.
But when you talk to him, it doesn’t work out this way… AT ALL.
Instead of hearing you and your intentions to get things back to a better place between you two, he just becomes frustrated, irritated and
DEFENSIVE with you.
Instead of hearing you, he makes you feel like you’re “nagging” him and making “drama.”
He even acts like you’re the one being ridiculous and withdraws from you.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
This situation where you know you’re giving and getting less than nothing back STINKS.
And unfortunately, it’s a common experience lots of women have in relationships with men.
Now, there are about 50 things I could tell you about how men are at fault and make these problems for themselves and for you in your relationship.
But the reality is that you’ve already spent hours thinking about this before and have a lot of your own thoughts about it.
That is partially why I’m NOT going to talk about what’s going on with men here and what to do about it.
At least not yet.
Right now we’re going to talk about YOU.
Why?
Because thinking about YOURSELF is the first step towards real GROWTH and AWARENESS in EVERY RELATIONSHIP you have in your life.
You could spend days, weeks, months or years worrying about a man, what he thinks, and why he does the things he does.
But if you want to be smart…
And you want relationships to start “working” for you, instead of seeming like a never ending source of frustration and disappointment trying to get a man to make the relationship work…
Then you’ll make sure you have things handled for yourself first.
And that way you’ll have the CERTAINTY that only comes from understanding what’s happening in the relationship around you… and what YOU need to do in each situation that comes up with a man.
THE ONE QUESTION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH A MAN INSTANTLY
If you’re at the most basic levels of what I call “emotional maturity” in your life, then you’ve started to recognize something very vital and significant about yourself…
You’ve recognized that you have a few PATTERNS coming up in your relationships.
Of course, some of these patterns are positive traits that bring benefits, center around your personal preferences, and involve things you bring into your life CONSCIOUSLY and for excellent reason.
But the reality is these aren’t the only kind of patterns you have in your life.
You also have a special group of “negative patterns.”
Patterns that you save just for MEN.
So, let me question you a very simple question.
It’s a question that could very well change the course of your like life IMMEDIATELY once you answer it.
Here’s the question – Do you know your “negative patterns” in relationships with men?
You might have a few of these that you already know about that you can rattle off in your head right now without really thinking about it.
THESE ARE NOT THE PATTERNS I’M LOOKING FOR TO IMPROVE YOUR LIKE LIFE.
You already know about these patterns and this knowledge still doesn’t seem to be helping you if you’re running into the same issues and situations again and again.
Which is why it’s obvious that “what” you already know isn’t going to help you learn and grow past these situations with men for excellent.
You need to expand your PERSPECTIVE.
That’s why I’m looking for the patterns that you DON’T see right now, and that you aren’t CONSCIOUS of.
Here’s where we’re going to take ACTION…
Right now, I want you to give yourself the time and space for the next 5 minutes to reckon about your own patterns in your past or present relationships with men.
And, I want you to place everything else aside just for a few small moments while you focus on YOURSELF.
By the way, if you don’t have time to do this now, then you probably never will.
And I know it’s a simple question, but the AWARENESS and GROWTH that can come from your answer is what’s going to change your like life immediately.
So now that you’ve made the time, I want you to reckon about the following -
I want you to come up with at least TWO of your own negative relationship patterns with men.
And I don’t just mean patterns that are really about men… such as “I always pick men who are clueless about loving relationships.”
This is focusing on HIM, not YOU.
I mean something like “I meet men and quickly spend all my time with them. But soon I see that I’ve “lost myself” and I am not able to have a healthy balance. And inevitably, we end up breaking up and I resent all the time I spent on the relationship and him, instead of spending more time on myself.”
That’s one common example lots of women have experienced.
Now, it’s your turn.
I want you to come up with 2 other patterns that have to do with YOU and things that come from YOUR THINKING or BEHAVIOR.
I’m going to give you a few minutes to do it now. I’m going to give you another minute to make sure you have your two patterns.
OK. So now you have two clear patterns of your own in your head.
Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now and write down the patterns you identified.
Do it now, I’ll wait.
Excellent.
I want you to keep this piece of paper somewhere you can look at it again in a few days or weeks.
It will be vital to look at what you wrote down again at least once in the next few days.
DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO GO PAST YOUR NEGATIVE AND SELF-DEFEATING “PATTERNS” IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN
Now that you’ve got your two negative patterns, here’s where things are going to start coming together for you…
First, I need you to get away from a perilous kind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when it comes to men, dating and relationships.
I call it “All-or-Nothing Thinking.”
Do you know any women who talk about how their relationship is hopeless and a complete failure…
And then a few hours or days later they have shifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is fantastic?
What does this say about the woman who thinks and feels this way?
What kind of relationship and communication “skills” does a woman like this have?
And how do you reckon a man experiences this kind of thinking and behavior… and what does it say to him about a woman?
Of course, this is an extreme example of “All-or-Nothing Thinking.”
Unfortunately, the more common “All-or-Nothing Thinking” is subtle and hard to recognize.
Especially when YOU are the one having the thoughts.
So, let me question you…
When you look at your pattern, is there a negative trait or habit of yours that stands out as the one that gets you into distress the most?
I’m certain there is. I want you to identify at least one of your greatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your life through your negative patterns.
I’ll give you a minute to write this down next to the pattern it’s associated with.
Now there’s something I want you to reckon about…
It makes sense to cut this negative trait or habit that’s associated with your pattern out of your relationship and behavior with a man… right?
It’s caused a lot of these problems… right?
If you cut these traits or qualities out of the way you are in a relationship with a man, then things will be better… right?
INCORRECT… What if the problems that come up in your negative pattern are caused by these traits?
And what if the traits in your negative pattern didn’t represent just your personal WEAKNESSES?
What if they ALSO represented your personal STRENGTHS at the same time?
If you were thinking that you should get rid of the trait or quality entirely that’s involved in your negative pattern so that things will work better in the future… then you’re going to that place of “All-or-Nothing Thinking.”
Talk about throwing out the baby with the bath water.
Over the years I’ve recognized that there’s a fascinating mistake TONS of people make in relationships, in business, and in every aspect of life…
When something isn’t working and they want to fix a problem, they don’t look at the entire “system” around them.
Instead, they focus their attention on the “symptoms” they see, in isolation.
Some people complain about “Western Medicine” having the same shortcoming. That it only addresses symptoms, instead of taking a “holistic” approach to how everything works together.
Anyway… when a person is trying to fix a problem in a relationship, by not seeing the entire “system” going on around them, they can’t see how all the elements are inter-connected.
So, when they go to make a change, they reckon they can change what’s related to the symptoms and everything will work better.
This is like thinking blowing your nose will cure a cold.
What’s worse, oftentimes the things that people change not only don’t work to fix the problem…
But ends up making things WORSE by affecting all the other related and inter connected things that WERE WORKING.
Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE… Don’t start solving problems and changing your relationship when you can only see the “symptoms.” There’s a better way.
You need to start looking at the whole “system” of how you and a man connect and communicate in your relationship.
You need to develop your own “holistic” approach.
Then you’ll have the PERSPECTIVE to make choices and take action that will bring more connection and understanding into your life.
So how can you start to see your own relationship with a man as the “system” that it is? And how can you avoid the dead end strategy of trying to cover up the “symptoms”? Here’s a step towards this that you can take RIGHT NOW…
I’m going to get you out of the habit of using your destructive “All-or-Nothing Thinking.”
I want you to look at your trait or traits again that were your own WEAKNESSES in your negative relationship pattern.
Now I want you to try something that might seem weird at first.
I want you to identify at least one way in which your trait or habit in your negative relationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.
I’ll give you a minute to see how the very trait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS is also a STRENGTH.
I want you to write the STRENGTH down right now next to the pattern it’s associated with.
Go ahead. I’ll give you a few minutes.
………………………………..
OK, excellent.
There’s a lot of power and AWARENESS made in what you just did when you reckon about it – IF you stay aware of this when you’re interacting with a man in your relationship.
When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you’ve been giving yourself a hard time about and trying to figure out how to get rid of, are also part of your STRENGTHS… things you never could have understood will start to become clear to you.
Challenges, issues, attitudes and hurtful things that a man brings to you that relate to your patterns, and these traits will start to look differently to you…
And you’ll start to have an incredible sense of CLARITY about what’s the best thing to do for you, for him, and for your relationship.
A “WEIRD TRUTH” ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN LIFE AND LIKE
You’ve got some basic tools to work with now to know more about what’s going on with you and your relationship.
But it really only starts here.
Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come up in your life?
Do you know how to avoid “All or Nothing Thinking” the next time it comes up and tries to make DISTANCE between you and a man?
Do you know where these thoughts come from and what to do to stay conscious and overcome the negative aspects of your other destructive relationship patterns?
Do you know how to guide a man to start doing these same things to improve HIMSELF and the way he is in your relationship, so you don’t have to try and convince him of what’s going on that he can’t see or isn’t paying attention to?
Most women who aren’t in a pleased, healthy, loving, lasting relationship don’t have this knowledge and the ability to stay connected with a man that comes along with it.
The weird truth is, patterns aren’t just coincidences in your life.
They keep repeating in your life for a reason.
What are the lessons that keep coming up for you in your like life that you can’t learn from where you are today, but keep coming at you?
The reality is that you have a choice…
You can keep repeating these patterns, and experiencing the pain and frustration that comes with them again and again…
This is the “simple” choice that doesn’t question or require you to learn and grow at all.
OR…
You can make a “shift” in your life.
You can choose to have more AWARENESS and more GROWTH… which will of course bring new ways of seeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS in your relationship.
The choice is yours right now.
If you’ve ever wondered why you get “stuck” with a man once you get to a certain level of connection and intimacy… and then things seem to go backwards and he withdraws… then this program is going to change your life and your relationship.
One of the most critical things that’s going on inside a relationship when a “casual”, or even a committed relationship, starts to go incorrect, even though there’s no lack of like or caring between the man and woman, is DREAD.
And I don’t just mean YOUR FEARS… I’m talking about a HIS FEARS, too.
There’s a reason why most men pull away and sabotage perfectly excellent, loving relationships with women.
And there’s a reason why YOUR FEARS are only making these things with a man WORSE.
There are clear steps that you can take to change your like life and relationship, no matter where you are right now with a man.
Shifting your PERSPECTIVE and becoming MORE CONSCIOUS is your first step… some of which we’ve touched on here.
You can stop the unnecessary PATTERNS.
You can come to terms with, and know, the FEARS.
And you can find out, once and for all, why it is that men so often place up RESISTANCE to becoming more connected, closer and MORE COMMITTED with YOU on a physical and emotional level.
Don’t let go of this opportunity to have LASTING CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT to the quality of your like life and all your relationships.
Go to WOMEN INSPIRED and get the rest of the tale.
What could come from your learning, growth, and new “relationship skills” and wisdom could be PRICELESS and last a lifetime.
Like and Success …
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Our Active Approach provides help in solving seemingly insoluble relationship problems in a timely way.
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abusive relationship, improve your relationship, like, man, dating, commitment, commitment phobic, cheating partner, save your like, he is cheating, he is abusive, he takes, is he using you, how to, committed relationship, dread, rage and withdrawal
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Our Active Approach provides help in solving seemingly insoluble relationship problems in a timely way.
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