The Best Places To Meet Women Outside Of A Bar Or Club
It’s 2019 – why are you still trying to meet women at loud, crowded and expensive bars? There are so many different things that can go wrong. If it’s too packed, you could lose a half-hour just waiting to buy a drink; too empty and it’ll feel weird and sad, and you won’t be able to meet anyone new. Finding someone you’re interested in typically begins with you surveying the scene and looking for people who are both attractive and not visibly taken — or settling for just one of the two. Regardless, what are the actual chances that you’ll hit it off? You have to decide whether to go with a stock pickup line or a custom-crafted joke or just a question and hope you picked the right one to pique her interest. And keep in mind this whole scenario is most likely occurring while you’re both yelling in each other’s ears over extremely loud music and the sounds of other people having a good time.
RELATED: 10 Habits That Let You Meet Women
Not exactly the best setting for getting to know someone, let alone landing yourself a serious, long-term relationship. Aren’t there better places to meet a woman nowadays? Where else can you hope to meet your next potential partner? Are there better ways to meet girls? We asked a few real men who bypassed the bar scene to tell us how they met their current girlfriends — and they had a few creative suggestions to share.
Here are a few ways to meet women without having to waste your precious time and hard-earned money at your local bar or club:
- Co-Ed Sports
- Volunteer Work
- Dance Classes
- Book Signings
- Cooking Classes
- Dating Sites & Apps
Ways to Meet Women Other Than Bars and Clubs
Even if you’re not an all-star sports player, relationship expert Kayla Kalinski says playing on a neighborhood sports league can help expand your social circle and, in turn, open you up to the possibility of meeting that special someone. “One of the best ways we tell our clients to meet their future significant other is by joining community sports leagues,” she says. “Worst case scenario, you just make a couple new friends — but don’t forget, friends know other friends who know other friends — and your chances of being set up with someone special by your new buddies is greater than ever.” If coffee shop hangouts are too cliché for you (or if you just don’t drink coffee!), then a sports league might fit the bill – and, unlike at coffee shops, you’ll be getting a workout in, too!
What Real Men Say: “I played on a Zog soccer team for three years,” says Andrew, 32. “I left the team as did another player to take a season off (which subsequently left two spots open). Kelly (my current girlfriend) and her roommate had just moved to Hoboken and joined Zog soccer as free agents and got put onto the team in my place. My friends on the team called me one day because they were short a player and asked if I could play that day to fill in. They introduced me Kelly, whom I immediately started crushing on. I told them to let me know if they ever needed a player again — and then I started going back anytime they needed someone so I could see her. The season ended, so I decided to play the next season with them and developed some chemistry with her. We got together, and the rest is history.”
Not only does volunteering for a charity event, community theater or fundraiser put you in an environment with like-minded people who share your values, but it also affords you time to spend alongside them to get to know them — which is how Francis, 30 met his wife. “When I lived in Long Island, I started volunteering for a crisis hotline,” he says.
“I had two shift partners, one of whom ended up being my future wife. At the time, she had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend, so while I thought she was cute, there was never any weird flirty tension. We shared one four-hour shift a week for about two years. Without really intending to, we became good friends because of the experiences we shared assisting clients and talking about our lives outside the hotline in between calls. Around the time she left the hotline, we both coincidentally went through breakups. We went from commiserating about our hotline work to commiserating about being single. Then one night she came over, we hooked up, and about a year and a half later we were married. I think what worked about meeting that way was that things developed really organically, because neither of us were there to meet people. We bonded over the work we were doing and the stuff we discovered we had in common over the years.”
Take a Dance Class
Granted, this one’s going to take you out of your comfort zone, but how else do you expect to meet new people? At least at a dance class, as matchmaker Susan Trombetti points out, the odds would be in your favor. “Yoga, dance class, or a spinning class is a great place to meet women if you can get into it,” she says. “I know lots of men who try this with much success. You will definitely be in the minority.” Even if you don’t meet a girl, you’ll be improving your personality, which is a big help for single men everywhere when it comes to attracting beautiful women. And even if you don’t happen to meet your special someone at dance class itself, acquiring the skill will be guaranteed to help you in the future..
What Real Men Say: “Salsa dancing is part of my culture,” says Javier, 26. “So when my sister’s friend opened a dance studio in our neighborhood I came for the grand opening and complimentary salsa class — and had so much fun that I ended up buying a class package. As one of the only men in the class, I had my pick of partners which was nice, and made a lot of friends during my time there. Around my fifth or sixth class we all planned on meeting up at a salsa club after class to try out what we had learned, and I saw my current girlfriend Ramona there with her group of friends — one of which knew one of the class members I was out with. She introduced us, and we danced together until 2 a.m. when the club closed down. We’ve been together ever since.”
Go to a Party
We’ve all had this one happen to us in some capacity – whether it’s a coworker’s housewarming party or your neighbor down the hall insisting you swing by for a get together they’re having, going to a party where you only know the host can feel pretty awkward. But even if you do go and don’t meet any single women that night, you can make new friends and connections. There’s always a chance you may meet someone there who can set you up with your future girlfriend or long-term relationship – as was the case for Alex, 29.
“I work at a design firm on a small team of four,” he says. “So when one of my coworkers bought a condo we were all invited over to celebrate. I was the only one on the team without a solid excuse for not showing up and plus, my coworker lives in the same neighborhood as I do so I figured I’d swing by. I ended up having a great time chatting with my coworker’s sister and her husband — to the point that her sister insisted that she let me set her up with her college friend who was moving here and didn’t know anyone. I’m usually skeptical about people setting me up — but she showed me a picture of her and I thought she was super pretty, so I agreed. I got her phone number then took her out a week or two after she moved to New York and we hit it off. She and I both always say how lucky we are that I went to that party.”
Go to a Book Signing
When striking up a conversation with a potential partner, finding common ground is half the battle. David, 40, had an edge on the conversation when he met his current girlfriend at a book signing.
“I met my girlfriend Stephanie at a book signing for Karen Russell,” he says. “The line was kind of disorderly, so I turned to the person behind me and said, ‘I didn’t cut you, did I?’ and she said, ‘No.’ That was Stephanie. I said, ‘So are you a big Karen Russell fan?’ and she said, ‘Yes.’ I asked who some of her other favorite authors were, and we chatted briefly. She got her book signed, then I got mine signed. Afterward I turned around, and she was standing there waiting for me. It turned out we were both going to Grand Central, so we walked there together. We had very immediate, very obvious chemistry. We got to the corner where we needed to split up, and Stephanie said, ‘I want to keep talking to you though.’ Her train was leaving shortly before mine, so I went with her to her train, then jumped off just as the doors were closing and hurried to catch my train. I had given her my business card, and she emailed me the next day. We’ve been together for almost five years.”
Take a Cooking Class
We’re willing to bet your kitchen skills are lacking, or at the very least could benefit from some professional advice. Why not take a cooking class? Not only will you upgrade your culinary skills and maybe add a few new dishes to your repertoire, but you’re likely to find yourself one of the few men in attendance. Even better, for those shy about approaching women: you’ll often be asked to pair up to complete a dish, giving you an easy way to start up a conversation over an omelet flambé.
Places to Meet Women Organically
The Dog Park
See spot run – toward the woman of your dreams. Meeting a potential mate at a dog park is promising for a few reasons. First, you’re both dog owners, so there’s a mutual interest right off the bat. Second, you’ve got an obvious icebreaker: your pup! Whether you choose to start the conversation by complimenting her dog or “accidentally” tossing a tennis ball nearby and offering a charming apology, the conversation will seem a lot more natural than if you were to offer a Googled pickup line in a bar. If things go well, you can then take things to a nearby coffee shop and continue getting to know each other. Just don’t forget to grab some water and keep your pooch hydrated!
You need to be careful here because there can be many instances where it’s rude to approach a woman in such a public space. Many frequent coffee shops to get work done, so if she’s feverishly typing away on her laptop, you should definitely let her do her thing. But if you lock eyes with a female patron and get the sense that she’s into you, say something. Coffee shops are often frequented by intelligent and bookish individuals, so if that’s your type, order yourself a cappuccino and casually survey the atmosphere. It’s like Tinder, but in real life – what a concept! Since many who frequent coffee shops tend to be regulars, a slow game is an option. After enough time has passed, you can make a comment along the lines of “fancy seeing you here,” and – boom! Ice broken.
Ask a Female Friend to Set You Up
Nobody will vouch for you more than a friend. And if that friend happens to be female, her word will carry more value. Why? Because women trust other women more than a man whose mission is likely transparent. Apart from meeting online, research has shown meeting through friends is the most popular method of connecting with a potential partner. Being “set up” should occur in naturally social environments, like a barbecue or dinner party. Or perhaps you settle on a double date, where you can sit back and play coy while your friend sings your praises. In these instances the matchmaker will probably facilitate conversation throughout, expressing mutual interests and similar sentiments to assist you two in hitting it off. Remember: she’s your biggest cheerleader!
Between the heartwarming speeches, the dancing and the alcohol, love is everywhere you look at a wedding. Whether marriage is your cup of tea or not, weddings facilitate love and, when paired with the alcohol, naturally influence romantic feelings. If it’s a friend’s wedding, there should be plenty of similar-aged women who will have a date with them or not. If not, they are probably single. There is also a good probability that you and a potential love interest will have a friend or two in common, which gives you an introduction and something to talk about. Considering most of the older guests leave before the midnight buffet, a wedding essentially becomes a night club after 11PM, except better because the booze is (usually) free and everyone is dressed to the nines.
How to Approach a Woman in Public
As previously expressed, approaching a woman in a public space can be precarious. To ensure things go as smoothly as possible, consider the following before you make an introduction.
Survey the Environment
It’s simple. If she’s busy chatting with friends or with work, don’t interrupt, she’s clearly not in the mood to be giving out numbers.
Catch Her Eye and Smile
A good way to test if she’s comfortable or interested in being approached is to establish eye contact and smile, only for a brief moment. Is she returning the smile? Is it authentic? See below for how to move forward.
Read Her Body Language
After you’ve made your presence known through eye contact, has her body language changed? Some signs she’s interested in taking things further is a continued smile and her body turns in your direction. Hair-touching has also been known to indicate flirtatious behavior.
Never approach a woman from behind – it’s cowardly and makes a woman feel unsafe. Walk with your shoulders squared and with a natural smile on your face. It’s definitely difficult to project confidence when being so vulnerable, but it’s very important in making women feel comfortable in what can easily become an uncomfortable situation.
Don’t Be So Serious
She doesn’t know you, so don’t get too close. Keep at least a meter apart and keep your body relaxed (don’t cross your arms or stand with your hands on your hips). Your mission when chatting is to put her at ease, so make her laugh. You don’t need to be a comedian here, but be perceptive and make a joke or comment when appropriate.
Nobody likes a one-sided conversation, so invest in this conversation fully. Don’t look at your phone or around the room. Actively listen, affirm what she’s saying, and leave a bit of mystery about yourself. Make her feel special.
How to Meet Women Online
All that being said, if you’re a busy guy, you should know that the fastest and simplest way to meet women these days is going online. Regardless of how old you are or what kind of women you’re into, online dating sites are typically a surefire, smarter way of approaching women versus randomly saying hello to strangers in public, which is more likely to get you labeled a creep by women who are not looking to be hit on. With that in mind, here are the top online dating sites AskMen recommends:
AskMen Recommends: You may not recognize the name, but Zoosk is AskMen’s top-ranked online dating site. It boasts a sizable user base and a site (and app) that’s easy to use, as well as a serious collection of state-of-the-art features, Zoosk is hard to beat when it comes to finding love.
AskMen Recommends: Yes, Match has been around for almost as long as the Internet –since 1995, in fact. However, it’s hardly some dusty relic of online dating’s past. The site offers users a premium experience when it comes to both features and members, making it a great option for anyone who’s looking for the cream of the dating crop.
AskMen Recommends: If you’re looking for sex rather than a relationship, you might want to choose FriendFinder-X over Zoosk or Match. FF-X is a hookup site that focuses on your desires in the bedroom rather than everything else. In terms of features, you can message other users, sure, — but you can also live-broadcast, for instance, while the “What’s Hot” section highlights the top-rated pictures, profiles and videos on the site.
AskMen Recommends: If you’re looking to meet a serious, career-minded woman to match your own ambitions, Elite Singles comes very much in handy. This site is all about matching you with other successful singles who are looking for something real and lasting.
Extra Tips for Meeting Women
- Find an organic reason to approach her. In this day and age, you don’t want to come off as pushy, creepy or invasive. If you’re in line for the same event, or attending the same class, or meeting up with mutual friends at a party, you have good reason to talk to her.
- Develop your own interests. If you have no hobbies or outside interests, not only will it be harder for you to meet new people, but you’ll be way less interesting to the people you do happen to meet. Cultivate your own interests and you’ll be surprised at the positive response you get.
- Have no expectations. If you go into a given conversation with expectations about how it will end (getting a date or even her phone number, for example), you’ll risk coming off as desperate or forcing the conversation. Relax. Take a deep breath. Enjoy the conversation for what it is, and the woman you’re talking to will be more likely to respond positively.
- Exit the conversation early. This one might surprise you, but assuming you’re having a first conversation with a woman you don’t know (whether a stranger or a friend of a friend), cut it short. By doing this, you’re ensuring you’re not misreading the situation and wasting her time, in the event that she isn’t interested, but you’re also demonstrating that you respect boundaries and aren’t a threat to her. And if she was enjoying the conversation, you’ll leave her wanting more.
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